Content warning – Transphobic comments, racism, sexual remarks, people being dicks on the dating scene
I’m not ashamed to admit this, but I have used online dating apps and websites. Not now as I have got older, and realised I prefer human interaction, but every now and again I will look at them.
I stopped using them because they are depressing. Nothing screams that you are worthless then dating sites and apps.
You see I’m stuck with an ever lasting loop in my head. If I tell people from the start that I’m trans, I will get abuse or worse be seen as a fetish and nothing more. If I don’t, and then start talking to people, its a question of either lying to them or saying that I’m trans later on, and be accused of “lying”.
There is one app of course that goes further. Grindr. Did you know that the term “FTM” is a banned word, and it will get removed from your profile, in fact that anything that relates you to being a trans masculine / trans man will be removed quickly. However if you are a trans woman / trans feminine person , or as some users say “chick with a dick” , this is totally allowed. The fact is. Its a men only dating site, and Grindr will not allow men to post up profiles saying that they are trans men.
Secondly, the abuse you will get from that site. Ranging from “Your a woman, not a man” to “Kill yourself no one will ever love a dyke who wants to be a man” . Grindr is fully aware that this goes on, and there are countless pages dedicated to how trans men are treated on the app. They will refuse to change their settings though.
They are probably the worst, but at least they own their transphobic bullshit. There are other sites that do it blatantly and try and deny it.
As well as transphobic comments, what I hate is the racism that often comes with dating apps. I once saw “no curry, no rice” as their preference, whilst talking about what race they wanted. Also, its acceptable to write “sorry no blacks, only whites” and get away with it. YOU WOULDNT DO IT IN REAL LIFE, WHY ON THE INTERNET. I know there are many debates going on about dating racism and how it needs to be stopped, and it first needs to start with App makers refusing racist language.
Its also acceptable that you can say almost anything to a person. Like starting a conversation like “I’ve never fucked a tranny before” , and with language like that, you won’t ever. The internet has brought on this idea that you can be as disrespectful as humanly possible , but it’s OK, because you don’t actually see them. NO! ITS NOT OK.
I think that we should go back to dating face to face and stop using apps that promote a behaviour you wouldn’t want to see in real life. Or at least create apps with a better reporting and filter system
Tell me what you think of the dating scene, any online dating horror stories you want to share? Any positive interaction? Come say hi
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