(I needed to add a photo that kinda summed up this whole thing, take it as you will, I expect some form of back lash at this point)
So I now pass as a guy, 99.99% of the time these days. The tits are gone so no one batters an eye lid when I walk down the road, or questions me because they see me as a man. I’m white, and apart from being less able bodied than most, i am gay, and the fact that I’m poor, I’m pretty fucking privileged when you first spot me.
I’ve also discovered that I now also look fucking scary to some folk now. My presentation to some reads like some peoples nightmares. Again, I’m white, seen as male, no hair and have visible tattoo’s. Hell if I didn’t even know that I was an epileptic faggot who’s camper than a row of tents, I would be pretty terrified of me to.
A few days ago a friends dad (who has dementia) came to check on her because I looked like a scary man who was in her bedroom. This was a pivotal moment, because whilst someone who didn’t know me, had read me as male from the offset, and that felt fucking good. I now look like I could be a threat to my friend. We did laugh at this, because I did have to be wheeled to my friends, my partner was in the room and I have no interest in my friend like that. But this shit is going to happen more and more now.
Masculinity is fucking toxic. And before we do this whole “oh look another trans person is slamming men” bullshit, please hear me out.
MASCULINITY IS OPRESSIVE.
When you are seen as male, you are seen as the threat. We hold a privilege from the get go by being automatically seen as stronger, wiser, more dominating then women are (also enby folks too, but let’s face facts cis people barely grasp the existence of more than two genders). Is this men’s fault? Damn right it is. Who the fuck doesn’t want privilege and to be treated with respect with very fucking effort put in. Should we correct this? Damn right we fucking should.
*Cue the MRA shouting “what about my oppression”*
You wonder why we don’t get housing, rape centre care, better chances to get custody of our kids, ect? IT’S US. IT’S OUR FAULT. We shut down, we don’t communicate, we mock and belittle. And why? Because to stand up to our problems and injustices makes us look weak to other men. We tell each other to man up or be strong or that men don’t fucking cry.
You want to know what privilege is? Charlottesville. Look at all of that and tell me that is women did it, if people of colour did it, if fuck it, the LGBT community did it, would they have managed to get away with it as much as the whitewhite masculine supremacists did?!
AND THIS IS WHY WE ARE SCARY!!!
We do this shit and get away with it. With very little backlash and a ton of people excusing our behaviour. If you want people to stop seeing you as this terrifying human being, you need to start looking at your surroundings and seeing what you can do to change it.
I accept that now being read as male brings on new challenges, but I hope with each day, I can try and make things a little better for everyone out there. Not just the privileged few.