How To Take A Good Dick Pic

Before I start, I’m going to say this. Unsolicited genital pictures are the fucking worst. I don’t care who the fuck you are, if you are sending dick pics to strangers who didn’t want to see them, you are the worst. Nothing is going to make that shit pretty. Just don’t do it.  Also content note – this heavily discusses genitals. If you are uncomfortable with this, please do not read on. 

Now we got that part settled, I’m going to tell you how to take a good dick pic.

Firstly. IT IS NEVER ABOUT THE SIZE. Honestly most of us do not even care about how big your dick is. It’s about how it looks. Do not start panicking if you have a micro penis or Dumbo’s trunk in your pants. It’s all about how you present it. Also do not ever feel pressured to even send a naked picture of yourself. You shouldn’t ever feel forced to do something you do not want to do. Only ever send something if you are 100% OK with it. 

You want to first clear the area around you. Nothing is off putting more than seeing a dirty floor with laundry everywhere. Seriously. It’s distracting. Clear the area. This includes bed sheets and sofas. No one wants to guess the bizarre stain that’s next to your penis. 

Secondly, angles are key. You want it so it’s about a 45° angle with you’d phone tilted to the tip. I’m actually joking. Seriously though, every dick is different, so take many photos from different angles and see what looks interesting and original. 

Thirdly. Put a soft filter on it. EVERYTHING LOOKS GREAT WITH A SOFT FILTER. Honestly you could post a turd up and make it loom attractive with the right light and filters. Which reminds me.. Do not use harsh strip lights and bright artificial lights. You don’t want it lit up like a meaty Christmas tree. 

Forthly. Get fucking creative. Do poses that others wouldn’t. Some interesting backgrounds, hell even dye your pubes. You want it to stand out like no other dick pic has. Bonus points if you get a friend to take a dick pic for you. There is no shame in asking for assistance for a great picture. 

Finally, just have fun. There is a huge pressure for us to be perfect all the time and in all honestly what you really need to do is just be yourself and not be a complete douche to the person you are sending them too. Just relax and it will come naturally. 

Queer Dating – Special Edition – Part 3

CN – Men being a complete idiot. I don’t even know where to begin with this one. An assumption of genitals, awkwardness and the daddy kink rolled into one

So I have given up on the whole experiment. Honestly it is making me really fucking depressed attempting to find decent human beings online. Grindr was just awful and I get very little interaction on scruff. 

Turns out the wheel chair really is a huge issue with some people. I might try this again next year, and when I’m on the PreP trial, but right now, I’m quitting this game. 

I shall leave you with highlights from an interaction. Turns out it has loaded this backwards (sigh) so you are going to have to see the reverse of the interaction. I’m the blue one

Queer Dating – Special Edition – Part One

CN – discussions of a sexual nature and cis nonsense ™

To celebrate the 2 year anniversary of the “Queer Dating” series start up, (yes it was 2015) I thought I would go back to where it originally came from and do some research. That’s right folks, this half cyborg agender fool has taken up grindr again for science. The difference is this time, we are going to download several apps and see what the big deal is with dating in regards to being disabled and trans. 
All of my profiles on each app, point out in my discription that I am trans masculine and I am a wheel chair user right from the start. 

DAY ONE

So I downloaded grindr. As always the first port of call to all of this. Firstly, app is broken slightly. I am unable to upload pre taken selfies and i am doomed to take the worst front facing selfies on my terrible phone. I am not off to a good start. I’ve even tweeted and emailed grindr about this issue. 
Within the first hour, I have received 2 blocks and someone trying to message me about being trans and wearing dresses. The blocks were a sudden panic based on the fact that I was a chair user, and well the other one was by sheer ignorance that all trans people choose the same pathways in life. 

Then this exchange happened and honestly I think it’s just beautiful 

His response was to straight away ask me if I wanted to meet up right away so he could plow me, and honestly if it wasn’t half past 3 in the morning he may have very well stood a chance, but I wasn’t getting out of bed, waking up Kai, getting dressed and sorting out the chair for that. I said my apologises and that was the last I heard from him. 

The rest of the day I had recieved literally nothing, I blame this solely on the fact that I cannot take a great selfie with a shit phone and people are terrified about the fact I’m gasp Trans and disabled. 

SO I JOINED SCRUFF 

Well I managed to post at least a fucking cute selfie, and done my usual of going straight to the point and said in my bio about being disabled, and well I got one message. 

From Kai, and we ended up talking about what we wanted for dinner. 

Seriously, it is dead on there. I woofed at a few people but I got nothing really back in return. 
This however has been day one and hopefully more will follow. 

Is Sex Such A Dirty Word?

Oh god what’s happened this time. I hear everyone huff at me as I put my 5ft 3 small ass on my soap box. 

“Why is sex such a taboo subject around the trans community unless we are seen as a fetish?” 

I have seen my patience become increasingly thinner over the past few months when it comes to sexual health, safer sex and consent. I don’t know about you but I have become quite frustrated about how there is a huge culture around cis people being able to freely discuss sexual liberation, and that trans people are not allowed to get in on that. 

When a trans person starts openly discussing sexuality the room hushes, it becomes a taboo. It’s almost as if we cannot physically have sex unless there is a camera and it’s used solely as the wank material for cis guys. This should not be the case. 

When we close dialog up on safe sex practice on trans people, we are suddenly making their lives in danger. We should be open to talk about what sort of sex we want and how we can protect ourselves with things such as condoms and access to rapid testing of HIV. 

When we give misinformation on places such as saunas, what we are really doing is taking away safe meet up spaces that are monitored and watched so trans people are not attacked, raped and murdered for wanting consensual sex. 

When we refuse to discuss trans sex workers, we are not addressing the issues on how to protect and serve our own community. Sex for pay is still going to happen. It’s a legal professional job for some people, and we should be providing them care and not stigmatizing them. 

Because we don’t talk about safer sex, people do not know where to go for birth control. Yes, trans people can get pregnant to. Unwanted pregnancy can and does happen and there is no way to support people if we are forced to close dialog on sex and abortion. 

STIs are always increasing. Sythilis is on the increase and it’s dangerous. But without us being able to discuss places for testing, more and more people are getting infected. 

I will continue to be angry about this situation because when safer sex discussions get shut down IT PUTS TRANS LIVES IN DANGER. I will continue to try and give as much information as I humanly can because I don’t want people to die because of lack of knowledge or safe spaces. Also trans people who are asexual/aromantic should have the freedom to talk about why they do not want sex/relationships and not get shut down or mocked. It’s about open communication for all. 

Further more trans people who choose to be sexually free shouldn’t be told by other trans people that it shames the community and that cis people will not take us seriously. You should never shame anyone fie their consenting and legal sex. There is no one right way to be trans and there will always be reasons as why some people will not accept us. 

The Lesser Known Sexualities

By now most people know what “Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual” means in this day and age, but as language and sexuality has evolved, more and more terms are coming out and some people can feel a little confused. So I decided that today I would write about some of the other terms you might not have heard of. 

1) Pansexual – This term is quite old now and people have been using it more and more, yet some are unaware of what this means as a term. No it doesnt mean  that you are attracted to kitchen applicances, it means that you have an attraction to someone regardless of gender. 

2) Polysexual – this term is pretty similar to bisexual. Its where people find that they are attracted to some genders but not all of them. 

3) Asexual – another one that’s quite well known, but it means very little to no sexual attraction. 

4) Androsexual – For people who are primarily attracted to masculinity, so that would be anyone who’s gender presentation was masculine, not specifically just to men. 

5) Demisexual – someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction unless they develop a connection with a person. 

6) Gynesexual – someone who’s primarily attracted to feminity. Just like with androsexual, this doesn’t exclusively mean one gender, but instead attraction to feminine presenting people. 

7) Skoliosexual – Being primarily attracted to queer, trans, non binary or gender non conforming people

This is certainly not a finished list. If people would like more to be added, please write them in the description. I hope that this list has helped some people out there. 

Rectum Stuffing

OK, so as you know by now I have the daily challenge of writing whatever topic I have been given. Today’s topic is rectum stuffing for beginners. 

I assume this is about how to try and have toys in your butt. So I will give the advice I can give. 

Start off small. Don’t get the huge butt plugs to start off with. Get the little ones. Make sure you are relaxed, maybe a glass of wine or a spilff maybe. USE LUBE. Plenty of lube. And insert it slowly. If it hurts stop and use something smaller. After a while if you like it, you can go on to bigger toys and maybe anal sex. 
Tune in tomorrow for the next daily

Book Update

A while back I mentioned that I was starting to write a book so I thought I would give an update about how it was going. 

Well it’s not completed. It’s slowly getting there, 3 chapters are done with it.

Its been difficult because I’ve been trying to find time to get it done, and what with my own personal shit as well as Kai’s surgery, its been a hassle to sit down and do it.

It’s also more research than anything else at the moment. But I’m hoping it will be done and published this time next year. 

Hopefully soon I can give more of an update as to how I have got on with this. 

Don’t Take Our Porn Away

Last year I wrote a blog post (More porn please, we’re British) about how the porn laws would be coming into place. The laws were at the time about films made in the UK and Europien/Worldwide films wouldn’t be affected by the chance. 
WRONG!!!

Our wonderful WONDERFUL government is now finalising the bill to ban certain porn that is filmed between CONSENTING ADULTS. 

The porn bans include 

Fisting – A 4 finger rule will be in place. More than 4 in one hole and its banned.

Face sitting , specifically riding someone’s face – Apparently its because you are endangering the lives of someone by getting eaten out. 

Female empowerment – most fem dom porn is to be banned as it poses a risk to children by showing them dangerous sex. WHY ARE YOU EVEN LETTING CHILDREN WATCH PORN IN THE FIRST PLACE?! 

Squirting – You know what, most porn that involves vagina owners getting pleased is dangerous, so this needs to go to

Sex whilst on a period or involving ANY BODY FLUID- because it is a danger to the person having sex 

BASICALLY BY THE NEW YEAR, YOU WILL ONLY BE ABLE TO WARCH HETRO MISSIONARY SEX AND THATS IT. 

Whilst this is going on. The Snoopers charter is being signed. This gives government the right to check every site you are looking at, at all times. They will also be blocking sites that have sex or discussions of sex which they deem as “dangerous” even though its all consenting adults.

BDSM videos are also planned to be pulled from sex shops too… Even though they are videos done by consenting adults and none of the acts shown are illegal.

Turns out being kinky is being banned in the UK, I don’t know what sort of world we live in right now, but its really shitty to be in this situation. Let’s prey all of this gets dropped and we can go back to normality. 

Getting Back In The Scene

After what has felt like an eternity, I finally got back on fetlife again. Before I continue, I know my blog link is on there, and if that’s how you have stumbled upon me, hiii! 

I have noticed that things haven’t exactly changed in the kink scene. I thought that maybe with trans issues and things progressing, there would be, but alas its still the same. 

I started chatting to a couple of people on kik, one I’ve stopped messaging all together. Not because he misgendered me, not because he was a dickhead. It was because he tried to catfish me. Honestly if you are going to steal someone’s dick picture, you might want to choose a person who has the same body type as yourself. I was upset about the piss poor attempt to be honest and the idea that I would need to see a monster of a dick to impress me. Nah, I want to see real dick, not some stretched out thing stuck on to a body that isn’t even yours. 

I’ve had the usual, a few guys begging me to Dom them, and when I say no they get pissy. It’s not like it says on my profile that I will dominate someone. I don’t know why it’s a suprise that I said no. Talking of no I had to block someone because she refused to accept that I didn’t want anything from her. She would message all the time pretty scary messages about forcing me to have sex with her and if I didn’t role play I was just a tease. She got really stalkerish and was a reason why I stopped going on there for quite a while. Eventually I had to block her. 

Trying to find a genuine trans inclusive munch or event is like pissing in the wind. The easiest solution we have come up with is that we start running a trans and kinky meet up, which is for trans people and partners. The downside of this of course is that when you are trans and kinky, you bump into several of your friends or people you know outside of kink. Friends discussing sex and play might pose an issue and embarrassment is bound to happen at some point. 

I rejected the idea of going to a night a couple of my friends were going because the person attending made a gross and piss poor joke about trans and non binary people using the toilet facilities at the event. Nothing strips a person from their confidence when the event owner makes a joke about a serious issue that would pose a problem for non binary people to use the toilet. I know its their last couple of times the night is running, but surely you want people to attend. 

I have also become a walking google. Apparently because I’m trans, I have to answer every goddamn question a non trans person needs answering. 

Basically everything is still what it was. I am struggling to find safe places in a community I love, and that saddens me. 

You’re Drunk Google, Go Home

Last year I gave you a blog post about some of the greatest (and worst) search terms used to find my blog. Well its coming up to half way through 2016 and I thought fuck it. Let me show you some of the highlights I have seen so far.
Now I’m going to content warn this. There is going to be some transphobia being mentioned, some offensive language, obvious pornographic search terms and people who are dicks online searching for shit they shouldn’t. This picture depicting a round that was played on cards against humanity is going to show you where this post is going.

1) The most individually searched term to find me is mature sex. Firstly I was really pleased because I thought “oh, people are looking for discussions on sex in a mature manner. NO! That was not what people were looking for. Here are a couple of screen caps that follow on from that search term.

I’m not even fucking joking. These are a tiny amount of some of the over 60s porn searches people have used to find me.
Now I can guess why this has kind of happened. The beginning of last year I wrote a pretty bad article about a terrible show that was on channel 5 about the over 60s having sex, and at the time I wasn’t very polite about it. I edited it last year and it hasn’t been one of my most visited posts. Then I don’t know what happened, but it started going a little viral this year. Then these searches happened.
I suppose I’m sorry to have disappointed a lot of people who have clicked my site hoping for it to be a porn blog. Google has tricked you. There is no over 60s porn here.
2. How many Cs are there in the word cunt? None just you.
Ok this one, and other variations of spelling wasn’t going to be big news to me. My very first proper review was about the film Legend, and if you do not know it is one of the more famous quotes.
Reason why I’m posting this, well I posted it last year and it got so little movement I nearly binned the review and decided never to review anything again. Then something happened in January and it became (and still is) my most viewed post I have ever had. I get several views every day for this post alone.
Google not only were you not drunk for this post, but I’m impressed that you keep reminding me how much I love Tom Hardy every day 3.


3. I can’t believe that I’m having to write this but my next one is trans women tyler

Now I’m really hoping that either someone has made a mistake or is genuinely looking for where I have written about trans women.
However this search term came up just about the time when my “Dear Cis People” got ripped off by a vile transphobic piece of shit, who went on and on about how transphobia wasn’t a real thing and he could misgender people because he was gay.
The plus side to this is that he linked his vile blog post to mine, and I got a fuck ton of views because of it and a lot of new followers. Cheers. It was almost as great as when the TERFS started drama with me last year and I got lots of views.
4. Most obscure award goes to the search term fun. Yep. The word fun. Google decided that the word fun was going to bring up my blog. If you are the person who searched that and found me, drop me an email. How many searches came up before you found me? Did you find what you were looking for? Drop me a message. And to prove it happened. Here is the screen shot.

5. Is Tyler Charles a good tattoo artist?  I had to Google this one myself. There is a tattoo artist who shares my first and middle name. I don’t know if he’s a good tattoo artist, but I’m getting his traffic. This isn’t the only search term for him I have had.
Tyler if you are UK based (ideally in the south) I’m willing to give you a shout out and a guest post to say sorry for stealing your traffic. In return I ask for a free tattoo. Nothing too big, maybe a couple of stars or a knife.
6. Now this one is one of my favourites. I’m done fucking people quotes. Oh who ever posted this, please please tell me where you were redirected to because I certainly do not have what you are looking for. Did I help you or did once again Google fuck up and not give you what you were looking for?

7. I don’t like it when you drink photos . I’m sorry who ever posted this one because I know for a fact I have never posted anything close to this the whole time I have had this blog. I’m sorry who ever got directed to me.
8. Big black dick. Fuck sake Google. No. There are a million things wrong with you directing this to me and my blog and two of the reasons is because I am white and I do not have a penis. Just fucking stop.
9. Probably one of the saddest search terms used but this is a good one. I helped some certain people and I really regret it. I am sorry to who ever wrote this on Google. I hope that you managed to feel better about your situation. I don’t know whether my blog helped but I hope you are ok. If you follow me, give me a shout to see if you are ok.

Finally, I don’t know whether I have saved the best till last but here it is.
10) Artistic photos of beautiful bi sexual females having sex with each other.  Yes I’m not joking. For starters on not even female, I’m just a male vagina owner. Secondly I do not think I could ever see myself posting artistic pornography on here. Thirdly, why does Google’s bots think I’m a porn blog. I have never stated that I am in the slightest.
Google what the fuck? Why do I get porn searches. Why?

This is only a tiny selection of what has been searched up. You would be surprised, because of privacy settings I am unable to look at about 70% of all my search terms. I will do another post like this in December, maybe make this into something that happens every 6 months.
If you ever do search anything obscure and I pop up, send me a message. You might make it onto the list

PS – Because of this I’ve probably made my searches a whole lot weirder.