A downside of being openly poly and queer is that sometimes you will have the weirdest shit that gets said to you. Stuff that makes you look at humans and question whether the spongy part of the inside of their head is a brain, or a load of dog shit neatly wrapped up in the shape of the human brain.
Last night for instance a guy who knows me, not well but has seen me around in groups, said “have a good evening girls” when Steph, Kai and I left the room. I alerted him that it wasn’t girls (excluding Steph, though they are Agender) and that he knew better. He then drunkenly mumbled
“I don’t know why you are getting so worked up (which i wasn’t in the slightest), you have Steph and your stringing that young boy around everywhere you go”
Firstly, I have no fucking clue where that even came from, secondly I was just so shocked that people genuinely thought that.
Now, just to clarify, I do not string Kai along anywhere. Unless of course its with a lead and collar but that’s a different matter. What had shocked me was that he was sitting at a table with other people and not one of them said how wrong he was. Which got me thinking, why do people say dickish things and think it’s acceptable? Why when a relationship comes along that is neither mono, or hetro (or solidly gay for that matter) people think that it gives them a free pass to be a cunt.
I realise at this point, that queer dating today will NOT be about advice but instead me ranting about the shit that gets said. I apologise. Normal programming will resume on the next one.
The following things have been said to us on a regular basis, and the comments are what goes on in my head when I hear them.
“You’re a gay man though”
Hold the fuck up. Considering all 3 of us are a part of Brighton Bothways, you have one inadvertently erased my identity as a bisexual, called Steph a man, and assumed my relationship with Kai is purely homosexual and default. I would kindly suggest that you piss right off with that attitude.
In the reverse, Steph has been called a lesbian on several occasions and that I have been her girlfriend. Again, that’s a whole bunch of nope right there.
You have Tyler though, isn’t he good enough just to have him
I’m answering this on behalf of both of them, because they are far too polite. I HAVE THE EMOTIONAL CAPABILITIES AS A TEA SPOON. I am Aromantic, you will get very little to no candle lit dinners and i certainly struggle with emotions. It doesn’t mean I do not love my partners, hell no. I love them, I just cannot project that side of love. I also feel like because they are missing out on that, that they deserve to find love and emotional attachment else where.
Whilst when people are saying this, they believe they are trying to be nice, its actually a dickish thing to say. They deserve love and emotional attention, something which I often cannot give. So yes my partners can feel like they are missing out, and they have every right to express that.
Why are you greedy
Well because I am. For real though, I do not understand quite how MY relationship dynamic makes me greedy, or my sexuality for that matter. Do you know how many people will date someone who’s poly? Not that many. So being greedy isn’t even an option.
There are a lot more things that get said to us on a regular basis, these were just the politest.
Now I’m not going to say that all questions are invalid, and yes I get that some comments are often out of love. But it gets really infuriating that you have to constantly deal with people on a day to day basis that question. We get a lot of stick, often by people with “good intentions” when really they are trying to be fucking nosy.
If you have poly friends, please be respectful, we don’t ask for much. I would just ask that you respect your friends and their relationship boundaries.