I’m going to have to fail on this challenge piece because honestly I don’t know the best route about it.
I have two pets, two cats and I’m poly. I assumed that this post would be about larger pets and I don’t know how sharing and time keeping on pets would be in play in a poly relationship.
If anyone is poly and has pets though, please comment on here and tell us how you go about life.
After what has felt like an eternity, I finally got back on fetlife again. Before I continue, I know my blog link is on there, and if that’s how you have stumbled upon me, hiii!
I have noticed that things haven’t exactly changed in the kink scene. I thought that maybe with trans issues and things progressing, there would be, but alas its still the same.
I started chatting to a couple of people on kik, one I’ve stopped messaging all together. Not because he misgendered me, not because he was a dickhead. It was because he tried to catfish me. Honestly if you are going to steal someone’s dick picture, you might want to choose a person who has the same body type as yourself. I was upset about the piss poor attempt to be honest and the idea that I would need to see a monster of a dick to impress me. Nah, I want to see real dick, not some stretched out thing stuck on to a body that isn’t even yours.
I’ve had the usual, a few guys begging me to Dom them, and when I say no they get pissy. It’s not like it says on my profile that I will dominate someone. I don’t know why it’s a suprise that I said no. Talking of no I had to block someone because she refused to accept that I didn’t want anything from her. She would message all the time pretty scary messages about forcing me to have sex with her and if I didn’t role play I was just a tease. She got really stalkerish and was a reason why I stopped going on there for quite a while. Eventually I had to block her.
Trying to find a genuine trans inclusive munch or event is like pissing in the wind. The easiest solution we have come up with is that we start running a trans and kinky meet up, which is for trans people and partners. The downside of this of course is that when you are trans and kinky, you bump into several of your friends or people you know outside of kink. Friends discussing sex and play might pose an issue and embarrassment is bound to happen at some point.
I rejected the idea of going to a night a couple of my friends were going because the person attending made a gross and piss poor joke about trans and non binary people using the toilet facilities at the event. Nothing strips a person from their confidence when the event owner makes a joke about a serious issue that would pose a problem for non binary people to use the toilet. I know its their last couple of times the night is running, but surely you want people to attend.
I have also become a walking google. Apparently because I’m trans, I have to answer every goddamn question a non trans person needs answering.
Basically everything is still what it was. I am struggling to find safe places in a community I love, and that saddens me.
The other week (sorry about delay in posts) was Steph and I’s anniversary and we decided to go to London for the day. It was amazing. We went to the national portrait gallery and tried to go to the science museum but it was so busy and loud so instead we went to the butterfly house by the natural history museum.
We also went to wagamamas and because of some dickhead waitress giving us problems, we ended up getting our entire meal for free thanks to the manager who refused to take her shit.
Its wonderful being able to spend time with Steph, because at the moment we are both so busy with the run up to trans pride that we have no time to do anything.
Anyway, have some photos that I took of the day.
I am lucky that I have several good friends in my life. I have both my wonderful partners who are just amazing. As well as them, I have gained many friends over the past few years.
Whilst I lost several friends when I came out as transgender, I was lucky to gain so many more, thanks to joining FTMB and going out to queer spaces and groups. I met both my partners in queer spaces also. I have gained so much more than just friendship within people in the community and its made me become a better person.
I have also gained lots of friends online, thanks to admining a few groups and pages online. What’s great about people online is that you are friends with people because you share common interests and if you don’t like someone, you don’t have to see them again.
This post is probably going to be one of my shortest ones, but there isn’t much I can cover with just friends.
Tomorrow is G – Gods and Gravestones. Please feel free to follow me during this A-Z challenge, all of the words were picked by people online, and I had to make posts about them.
Want to talk about what friends are to you? Feel free to post in the comments
What a difference a fucking year makes. (In my next post I explain this picture, but for now have a smoking image of me). This time last year, I posted a few images about trans visibility and that was it. I never originally had any intention to be visible, I wanted to hide in the shadows and pretend that my transition wasn’t important.
Then things spiral out of control. This 366 days (leap year not typo) have made me become visible. I’ve said many MANY times that my blog was always about me just ranting to myself and friends about shit that grinds my gears. It then blew the fuck up and I became a tiny face in the pool of visible queers.
I (and Kai) became the admin for Homo’s, Heteros and a whole lot more. We reached today 25,000 people. I became a huge face of FTMBrighton and I became a small face in the internet. My transition started to become scrutinized by people I didn’t know. People thousands of fucking miles away. I started getting thank you’s from America, Asia and Australia for posting stuff that I only ever felt applied to me. I have been lucky that in the UK I can do this. I can be visible, I can be queer and trans and that we are edging slowly towards equality. Do you know how weird it is that people message you to say thank you and you don’t even know who they are half the time. I’m not writing this to be egotistical, it still fucks me up that something so small in my life and my identity blew up so quickly and so fast.
We hit a year here yesterday
With all of this has come at a cost. I’ve lost people in my life that I used to feel bad about loosing. I don’t anymore. I still have a bitter outlook in life because whilst I have had positive comments, I still receive transphobic or queerphobic abuse often. I had tried to keep my relationships with Kai and Steph as quiet as possible, to little success and rather than people bullshit about things, it was easier to come out with it.
I take no pride in being visible, I don’t want to be the face of trans people. What I want is just educate people as much as possible and then when its finally ok to be who you are without getting abuse, I want to fade into the shadows once more.
So on the 12th it was officially two and a half years since I have been on hormone therapy. I think I can safely say that now I’m starting to see some considerable changes from when I first started.
Me today
Before i started hormones
For starters I’ve shifted about 20kg in those years, which I’m so fucking proud of. Secondly, I’ve improved mentally, developed more masculine features and the “girl” curves are on their way to leaving. I’m slowly getting the beard (though its not noticeable in the top picture). I’ve also become more confident in myself as the months have passed recently.
Downsides are that I’m STILL suffering from back acne, but its now turning up all over. I think the body wants me to be a hairy bear. I just wish I didn’t have to go through the acne hell before it turns up. Recently my throats been greeting scratchy, so I’m probably due another voice break soon, and sleep is still all over the place. Its also coming up to my first appointment with Charing Cross, so I’m a bit all over the place trying to work out how I feel. Hopefully though I get my first signature for top surgery, but I don’t have my hopes up.
In other news, Valentines day happened on Sunday. I got to spend time with both Steph and Kai at the same time, without it being group work related. Although I think I can say all three of us were feeling like shit that day, we managed to go to dinner at Day’s and spend a little bit of time at The Marlborough. We are planning to see Deadpool on Sunday (expect a review) and I’m going to do separate days with both of them.
I am so lucky to have two wonderful partners who are so supportive, but between partners, groups and sleeping, there are not enough hours in the day to do anything else.
I wouldn’t change it for the world though ❤
A downside of being openly poly and queer is that sometimes you will have the weirdest shit that gets said to you. Stuff that makes you look at humans and question whether the spongy part of the inside of their head is a brain, or a load of dog shit neatly wrapped up in the shape of the human brain.
Last night for instance a guy who knows me, not well but has seen me around in groups, said “have a good evening girls” when Steph, Kai and I left the room. I alerted him that it wasn’t girls (excluding Steph, though they are Agender) and that he knew better. He then drunkenly mumbled
“I don’t know why you are getting so worked up (which i wasn’t in the slightest), you have Steph and your stringing that young boy around everywhere you go”
Firstly, I have no fucking clue where that even came from, secondly I was just so shocked that people genuinely thought that.
Now, just to clarify, I do not string Kai along anywhere. Unless of course its with a lead and collar but that’s a different matter. What had shocked me was that he was sitting at a table with other people and not one of them said how wrong he was. Which got me thinking, why do people say dickish things and think it’s acceptable? Why when a relationship comes along that is neither mono, or hetro (or solidly gay for that matter) people think that it gives them a free pass to be a cunt.
I realise at this point, that queer dating today will NOT be about advice but instead me ranting about the shit that gets said. I apologise. Normal programming will resume on the next one.
The following things have been said to us on a regular basis, and the comments are what goes on in my head when I hear them.
“You’re a gay man though”
Hold the fuck up. Considering all 3 of us are a part of Brighton Bothways, you have one inadvertently erased my identity as a bisexual, called Steph a man, and assumed my relationship with Kai is purely homosexual and default. I would kindly suggest that you piss right off with that attitude.
In the reverse, Steph has been called a lesbian on several occasions and that I have been her girlfriend. Again, that’s a whole bunch of nope right there.
You have Tyler though, isn’t he good enough just to have him
I’m answering this on behalf of both of them, because they are far too polite. I HAVE THE EMOTIONAL CAPABILITIES AS A TEA SPOON. I am Aromantic, you will get very little to no candle lit dinners and i certainly struggle with emotions. It doesn’t mean I do not love my partners, hell no. I love them, I just cannot project that side of love. I also feel like because they are missing out on that, that they deserve to find love and emotional attachment else where.
Whilst when people are saying this, they believe they are trying to be nice, its actually a dickish thing to say. They deserve love and emotional attention, something which I often cannot give. So yes my partners can feel like they are missing out, and they have every right to express that.
Why are you greedy
Well because I am. For real though, I do not understand quite how MY relationship dynamic makes me greedy, or my sexuality for that matter. Do you know how many people will date someone who’s poly? Not that many. So being greedy isn’t even an option.
There are a lot more things that get said to us on a regular basis, these were just the politest.
Now I’m not going to say that all questions are invalid, and yes I get that some comments are often out of love. But it gets really infuriating that you have to constantly deal with people on a day to day basis that question. We get a lot of stick, often by people with “good intentions” when really they are trying to be fucking nosy.
If you have poly friends, please be respectful, we don’t ask for much. I would just ask that you respect your friends and their relationship boundaries.
Finally I am posting my first TTITO this year. I realised I haven’t done this is so long, so it would be nice to start it up again. The past couple of months have been a bit weird but nether the less, here is my list
1) My family and partners. They have been and continue to be a wonderful part in my life. Honestly I am really fucking lucky to have them all in my life. Steph and I recently had our 6th month anniversary and in February I will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary with Kai.
2) Olivia. The internet brings often very little comfort but I have got lucky to find someone who is utterly adorable and is smart and funny. She has been a huge rock lately ❤
3) Amazon wish lists. Kai and I were blessed by a couple of wonderful people who in different parts of the world have bought us gifts. We are so thankful for the items we have got. Thank you so much.
4) The trans alliance. They set up swimming for trans people once a fortnight and it's been wonderful to go and do that for an hour.
5) Internet friends. They have been wonderful ❤
6) Hormones. I'm finally starting to see more realistic changes now. Its also been 2.5 years being on T.
7) Hair dye, because who wants boring coloured hair
8) WordPress. Because I’ve been able to get so many more followers recently and the blog is getting more and more popular
9) Knitted scarves because its cold outside.
10) Fireplaces. Again because its cold.
I have to make an apology to my readers.
In my previous post I mentioned the differences between poly and being Mormon. I realised after I posted it that I could have educated myself on Mormons rather than taking from advice on a few people.
I have since been told that only a few sections of the Mormon faith do not approve of birth control. I would like to apologise for the misinformation.
Secondly I have been told that all genders are treated equally in the original teachings, however it is based on patriarchal systems and women are mainly expected to keep out of “men’s business”
Whilst I personally find a lot of “organised religion” to be problematic, I should have researched it better and spoke to a lot more people before speaking about something I have very little knowledge about. I am very sorry about this and I will certainly aim to research better about subjects I know little about.
I am not going to promise not to fuck up again. I am human, I fuck up often. However if and when I fuck up, I will apologise and educate myself on the subject.
Again I’m very sorry for people I affected in my post.
As I said in the last one I would do a post dedicated solely to poly, and as much as my mind whirls with a thousand thoughts, I feel like I need to do this post. There will probably be other posts covering more on poly (and the relationship structures) but this one is going to be about the basics and language and/or words used in the community.
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Tyler Charles Austen 