IDAHOBIT – International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia 2016

Thank you to whoever made this.

Today is International day against homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. Today we are reminded that there are so many countries that still have no laws that protect the lives of of LGBT people and some counties that still use the death penalty on “criminals” who’s only crime are loving someone.
We are constantly told that its not our problem because we live in countries that treat LGBT people with respect. This is untrue. Its everyone’s problem.
Recently even in the city of Brighton there has been a string of homophobic assaults only recently and its never mentioned but transphobia in the city is rife.
The unjust bathroom laws are still happening in places in America and guess what, in some states you can be fired still if people think you are gay. Being given same sex marriage never stopped the fight we still have to fight every day.
Whilst things are getting better, it is still hard being LGBT in this world. There are still many fights we still need to battle and we need to take each little victory where we can grab it.

Is It Time To Call The Final Curtain?

Sunday night (31/1/16) I was given the option to go to see “Alice in Pantoland” at the Brighton Dome. I would like to thank Brendan and Jess for taking us.
Before it started I was quite worried because the last time I had seen an adult panto, I had to deal with transphobic abuse from one of the performers. Since it was a different show, I thought it would be fine though.

Never in my life have I ever said this, and I don’t think I ever will again. If you get rid of the racist, transphobic, conservative wanker writer who did the show, you might have a decent show. In just under 2 hours, this one person spouted so many immigration jokes, outdated sexist comments and of course the standard “these girls who think they are boys, you know the type walking down st James street, trying to act like a man”.
For a brief moment I thought I was back in the 1950s, because that’s where his fucking value system obviously was.
I would like to point out that the rest of the cast seemed pretty good, and I’m fully aware that the show was in memoriam for someone who had clearly spent many years of their life making people happy with adult panto. I just feel that in order to cater to a queer market, you must be progressive. Outdated racism, the “empress of China” who was both white English AND had knitting needles in her hair (Come on, I know its panto but really?) is not fucking needed. Its once again proving that providing there is ONE person of colour in a play, you can say what ever the fuck you want because being “gay” is the most oppressed fucking minority there is.
*note – that WAS sarcasm*

Now I would have just left this to it, buried it deep inside, only to flip out at them later on in the year when they decide to yet again advertise the next years performance on Brighton Both ways. But I couldn’t. Mainly because I felt that things should be addressed.

1) Racism/sexism/transphobia SHOULD NOT be part of our traditional value system. Saying its OK to do shows like this is just inappropriate, especially in the queer/lgbt community. You wouldn’t want the minstrels still going round, because that was also tradition. It was also in our history that we took over countries, murdered millions of innocent people, and brutally tortured thousands of homosexual men. But we don’t continue to do so because ITS FUCKING WRONG.
2) The sponsors were almost a who’s who list of places most queer people wouldn’t dare to step foot into now following this. If you have Poison Ivy advertising your performance, you have fucked up somewhere. Although, its not Queer friendly, its transphobic and some dodgy back door deals have happened, so actually its pretty fucking apt.
3) I’m pretty sure the next venue you host the performance might want to see the script first. The venue is trans friendly and against racism and sexism.
Finally
4) Pride/Rainbow fund! Thank you so much for being part of it. Yes you are one of the charities getting money from this. Let’s please give you a standing ovation for finally showing us where some of the money that desperate queer organisations need, is coming from. It’s being donated by people who are so offensive and backwards. Rather than actually getting involved in the real community situations, political upheavals and issues our empoverished queer community needs help in, you decide to be a part of this.
(PS – Next time, make sure you schedule in a time to moan about how I complain on social media about your ethics, rather then doing it on work time. Its fucking embarrassing and this is a PERSONAL blog, not affiliated with anyone I work with!)

Following on from the sexism parts

Now I’m not saying that we need to get rid of panto (both regular or adult). Fuck that, I actually enjoy it. I’m saying that we need to work out what is and isn’t acceptable in our own community. If we spend millions of pounds helping cis gay men finally get the right to marry, we CANNOT just think that the fight is over. As an community we need to stop trans women of colour being murdered. We need to stop the spousal veto, and in fact most of the bullshit that goes with the GRC and the politics that goes with the gender clinics.
We need to stop women being objectified, and we need to stop thinking that immigration is not our problem, it is and we need to help.
Comedy comes in many forms, and I feel that the best comedy we can get is laughing at the people who oppress us. Not the people who are struggling to survive on a day to day basis.

Maybe next year you can write a better script and actually help out a struggling community, rather then the people who need it the least.

Hey, I Think You Dropped This?!

Now, I was going to start writing about this the MOMENT it hit the news, but the post would have been entirely different and mainly saying the words “Go fuck yourself” over and over again. So I thought I would breath, take a few days to post other things and try and find a sensible place in my head.
Well the sensible place wasn’t found, instead I give you this.

Yet again us queers and trans people have been told that we shouldn’t be in the LGBT acronym, and that a petition was started to drop the T from it.
Now sensibly, in my head, I would love nothing more than the trans community not to be labeled in the same category as minority sexuality, and that trans and queer would have it’s own section entirely. But, and here is the big but. The petition was started to drop the T because cis gays and lesbians were “uncomfortable” being around us, with one saying that

“We cause nothing but trouble and attack the gay community, and call out transphobia when they loose an argument”

Another person said that

Trans people do not go through the same social problems and prejudice, and that they will not know what its like to be gay

And finally

They caused nothing but grief towards Germaine Greer and we need to defend her

Now, I’m pretty sure that if you are signing a petition because Ms Greer is upset about the way she’s being treated, you are clearly not in favour of the trans community, and shouldn’t be fit to vote or sign petitions on issues that involve trans people.

There is also one tiny thing that a lot of the cis gay and lesbian community have seemed to have forgotten.
TRANS GAY, LESBIAN AND BISEXUAL PEOPLE FUCKING EXIST. In a single act, not only are they trying to erase trans people, they are erasing gays and lesbians. I would say that they are erasing bisexuals, but that was already happening without trans identities. Seems like anyone can be in the LGB community except they have to be monosexual and cis.
Also, since same-sex marriage has come into law, its seemed like all the battles are done, and now that the bisexual and trans community are not needed. Our job is apparently done, and the gays now need to cut away from the queer dead weight they don’t want to associate with the trouble makers.

Just one final thought to all the cis gays and lesbians who think that poor treatment of transgender people is acceptable.

Remember the stonewall riots?
Yeah, it was the trans and queer women who did most of the fighting.
I’m pretty sure if you keep poking at a lion, it will eventually bite. And us queers are getting pretty angry, and bricks are cheep 😉

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Dear Cis People.

*****
Now before I start I know a few people are going to say stuff like this:
“NOT ALL CIS PEOPLE ARE LIKE THIS”
“STOP SAYING THAT WE ARE ALL THE SAME”
“WHY LABEL US LIKE THAT, WE ARE ALL THE SAME”. (My favourite)
Just stop. If you are my actual friend, chances are, this post is NOT about you. You can skip this if you want to. This post isn’t about the people who actually listen to trans people and educate  themselves without offending. This post is about the people who actually don’t understand why its so hard for us sometimes. I know some of my friends have even asked some of these questions, and I have been totally OK to answer them. But its about context and the way its been addressed to me.
I shit you not , my sex life was brought up at a Christmas dinner in front of my family and that was totally uncool. That is an example of how things shouldn’t be addressed to me.
*****

I never thought I would be the type of trans person to start a post like this, but it has come to my attention that being trans regardless of where I am, causes some sort of issue regardless of who I’m with. So here are a few pointers / things that have been said, and I’m going to try and explain things in the easiest way possible. These have been things that have legitimately been said to me in regards to my transition. This may bring up a few triggers to some people, and I apologise. This contains “subtle” transphobic comments , transphobia and comments that might be upsetting.

1.” You were so pretty as a girl”

Why thank you for complimenting me. Thank you also for telling me how wonderful you think I looked when I was my most unhappiest. As much as you think that this is a compliment, please don’t. It screams “You were once attractive, why would you do this”. My transition has nothing to do with what my exterior previously looked like. It was merely a shell that I was trapped in.  It also implies to someone that they are not as attractive as what they once were. No one wants to hear that, regardless of whether you are trans or not. Whether I was more or less attractive pre transition, its still MY transition. And I am far more comfortable and happy now, then what I was several years ago.

2. “Why are you wanting to be male?”

Wanting? WANTING? Things I want for. A nice house, a cure for cancer, my family to be happy. There is no wanting in my gender. I AM MALE, what I want, is for my tits to be cut off, so I don’t have people calling me “she”. How can I want something I already am?

3. “How do you expect to be taken seriously when you look like that”

Well, because how I dress, what colour my hair is, my expression, IS MY CHOICE AND NOT YOURS. If I based everything solely in appearance, the world would be entirely weird. The only thing I do not have a choice on, is my top surgery. I’m still waiting, and I’m looking forward to that day. So what if I dye my hair pink (though its blue right now), it doesn’t make me any less male. So what if I wear eyeliner, most male punks/goths wear eyeliner. So what if I paint my nails, again see the previous comment MOST MALE PUNKS AND GOTHS DO IT. Just because I was “once female” , doesn’t mean I should stop doing things I enjoy. I also enjoy cooking, should I stop doing that?

4. “So when are you going to get the surgery?”

How long is a piece of string? Also what surgery are you talking about, because there are several different types. Also you are assuming that I’m going to want all surgery’s. Now I must admit that there was a time where I wanted a penis. I would have gone under the knife in a millisecond without hesitation. But then I saw the risks. When you see so many of your friends struggle with lower surgery, see how so many mistakes were happening, it does put you off. Now if there was less risks and more research, I will certainly reconsider my options, but in all honesty. I’m ok with not getting it done. I’ve already said how I want chest surgery done. I don’t think I could honestly manage living my live with something so large and visible on me for the rest of my life. Where as I don’t honestly expect for everyone to notice my genitals, since they are normally contained in my pants.

5. “So are you going to be liking boys or girls now?”

Ok, I know that this is hard to understand, but sexuality and gender are TWO SEPARATE THINGS. Before I came out I was bisexual, I am still bisexual. I haven’t suddenly decided I’m going to “pick a side” now I’m male.

6. “So how do you have sex?”

Well, first we make a cake. A great big fucking cake, with icing. Then we worship to the cake and pie gods, and then we proceed to poke our belly buttons till we think we have had enough.

7. “Your only doing this for attention”

Well if I wanted attention, I don’t think I would go through all the effort to loose friends, make my mum say that there are two sons now, want life changing surgery, shove needles in my are every 10 weeks and deal with  the social awkwardness that comes with being trans.

8. “You can’t be male, your DNA wont change, it will still say female, and you will have to always tell the hospitals that you are female, because they will give you the wrong medication other wise”

Here is what’s wrong with that statement. There are billions of people in the world, there are also millions of people who’s DNA DOES NOT match up with their body’s. There is also more than the standard XX /XY chromosomes. Also as a side note, 1 in 1000 people who are born have some signs of being intersex. WHICH INCLUDES, GUESS WHAT, DIFFERENT CHROMOSOMES. Hell, have you even had yours tested? Does it match up?
Secondly, medication is done by body mass, height, ect. Most medication is in fact for everyone to use. And if a Dr tries to give me a prostate exam. I will state that its not required.
*I am going to side note this though, please keep up to date with prostate exams, cervical screening ect, the drs might not send out letters, but you do need this checked. Go to a medical practitioner you trust or there are also lots of lgbt clinics you can go to without having to publicly out yourself*

9. “People need to know what you are though”

What am I ? Human. What I am doesn’t define me. When I actually go out to date people (and trust me, if you have said that, your probably not one of them) I normally date in the queer community, and that’s because there is no need for me to out myself. There is no expectation, and also my genitals are not the main topic.

10. “I bet your parents don’t actually approve, they are just saying they are to make you happy”

Now, OK this is a two part answer. My father (ewww I’m mentioning him on here) has no decisions in my life. He pissed that up the wall well before I came out. His opinion means fuck all to me. As for the second part. Have you met my mum? Have you asked her about my transition? Because I have, friends have and so has Kai. And do you know what she says. She has never been so happy for me, because for 25 years I was a miserable cunt, with no life. She has defended me, been there like no other person has and if there was ever an issue, we talk about it. Hell she’s even injected me with my hormones. So before you judge my family by your expectations, you might want to ask them what they actually think.

Thank you for reading this. I know its been a huge rant of things. But if I can show one person how some questions actually affect us, and they learn from that, my job is done.