Hysterectomy History

Today I got my letter to say I’m getting my hysto and I’m really fucking hyped about this. 

🎼say goodbye to babies

Seriously though I have been waiting for this letter for a solid couple of months now and I finally have a finishing point (?) to my transition. It’s been long over due but nearly at 31 years old I am nearly finished with all this bullshit. 

Plus I’m moving on from shots to gel soon so that is going to make my life a million times easier now. So I’m quite excited about that. 

I will post more news when I have a confirmed date, but womb has been given it’s final eviction notice, it is now time to leave 

6 Weeks Later

So I’ve been trying to actually spend the time recovering from top surgery recovering and not doing anything, but sadly that hasn’t actually been the case. I have however not had that much time to actually sit down and type up anything. 

So what’s happened? It’s still fucking sore at times. The scar line looks really good though and it is no way as thick as I thought it was going to end up being. I’m slightly uneven, so I might have to have a revision on my left side. I feel OK with that. 

I have felt mentally really shit though. The combination of physical pain and not being able to do much is still getting to me. It is true that people do get depressed after having  surgery. 

I am actually debating if I actually want to get my nipples tattooed on, or just not bother with it. I still have time to decide on this. 

The next update I will do will he a selection of pictures. Hopefully by then all the surgical glue will have come off. Yes, there are still a couple of spots with it still there. 

I shall see you soon for my next update, and normal blogging will resume soon. 

4 Weeks Later

It has been 4 weeks (tomorrow) since my top surgery, so I thought I would give an update about how it is going.

Physically really well. My scarline is much smaller than anticipated and the swelling is going down now. I’m still covered on residue glue, which is fine. But they look like streaky dirt lines. I still look a bit wonky and bulgy in places, but it’s normal and worst case is that I have a revision before I get my nipples tattooed. 

Pain wise , it’s getting there. It still hurts from time to time, and it’s more of an ache than anything else throughout the day, but it’s livable. 

Emotionally, I’m fucking drained. I want to be better and go back to normal life, what ever the fuck that is. I know I’m about half way through recovery and that sucks so much. 

Apart from that, I’m taking each day as it comes. The title image was done by a wonderful photography student called Anna Lodge who took photos as part of her studies for the university of Sussex, working with specifically under 30s with tattoos. 

Grand Unveiling

Today was the day where all my dressings were to come off, and they did. The things I can tell you are as follows

* Surgical dressings are the worst thing ever. Getting them pulled of my skin was like trapping my pubes in a zipper. On the plus side, my chest got waxed free of charge. 

* OK that wasnt that bad in comparison to surgical gauze being taken off and having bits accidentally glued in. Having them pulled out hurts! So much I couldn’t even swear. 

* You become aware of how gross you are currently when a nurse is right by your arm pit, trying to dig out some gauze. 

*Nothing will prepare you for the weird feeling of a stitch being tugged and you feel it pulling half way across your body. 

* Swelling. I’ve lost G cups and gained a B and an A. On the plus side this is just temporary. 

* Phantom nipples is a thing. I went to go scratch them cause they were itchy and remembered that they no longer exist. 
The bottom line is that everything is going really well at the moment. Not too much swelling, nothing to panic about and the scar line is much thinner than it was expected to be. I’m still on a hell of a lot of pain killers at the moment, but I’m slowly starting to go out a little bit more now. I’m also slowly becoming more happier with my body, which is the main thing. 

Trans Pride Brighton Speech 2016

I spoke on the main stage on Saturday. I would like to say thank you to everyone who attended, the 4000+ people.Trans pride is my favourite part of Brighton and I feel fucking humble to have had that couple of minutes on stage. 

I have put my speech up here, so if anyone wanted to read it, please feel free to read it. Apologies for spelling and punctuation as it was the only draft, and my dyslexia would have kicked in. 

When I was asked to talk about my trans intersectionality I was like “cool” I can do this. Then I remembered, I cover a lot of boxes! And I’ve got a fear of public speaking

I’m bisexual, that’s probably covered. I’m a person of faith, I’m poly, I’m on the spectrum, have epilepsy, tourettes and I’m disabled. I think That covers a lot of boxes. 

My “disabilities” are pretty hidden. I get tired a lot, I am in more persciption medication that you can probably legally aquire and I black out and sometimes have seizures. If I included all my mental health issues I would be here longer than the few mins I’m allocated. 

When I joined FTMB committee (and after a while the trans alliance committee) I was totally honest with them. I’m clinically insane, I have involuntary outbursts at stressful times and physically I will be unable to perform even the basic of tasks. They took me in with open arms, told me that I can do this and inside this bizarly and sometimes broken brain of mine is actually a highly intellectual human being. Both groups were highly supportive when I said that I was a non binary trans masculine person. That I would never be just a average man. 

I haven’t exactly had the greatest experience in coming out as non binary trans man, I have experanced some of the most hateful treatment and most of it from binary trans people. I have had to leave services and I have lost friends because they didn’t believe that anything other then the binary was legitimate. I was also told in emails by well known trans people that I should resign from my volunteer roles because of this. 

Whilst its had its ups and downs, my transition and disability has not held me back. Last year I was offered the job by Josh to run a page called homos, heteros and a whole lot more with one if my partners, and we are now only a couple of hundred people away from 50,000 followers and have over a million people every week viewing our content. It gave me a platform to write about being queer and disabled and with the thanks to josh, my partners and my family I’m now slowly writing a book. 

I spent a lot of my life being stuck in a bubble where I was unable to communicate and because of FTMB and the wonderful people around me I am now able to speak here in front of you. 

Thank you

Consultation – Update

Its not often that I get to do two transition related posts within 24 hours but apparently I need to do another one. 

So this morning I got a phone call to say that I am having a consultation for lower surgery on the 21st July in London. Honestly I’m so fucking shocked and excited about this. I don’t know if I’m going to have it, but I requested the chance to speak to the surgeon team and possibly taking about the idea of Meta instead of Phallo. In 24 hours my transition has sped up so much. I’m finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel with this and I couldn’t be happier. 

On Monday we are calling the surgeon teams for my top surgery consultation and dates. So watch this space for the next update. 

Goodbye Tits – Update

So today Kai messeged me to say I had received the letter. The letter I have been waiting on for nearly 6 months. 

My referral letter for top surgery. By this time next year I will be rid of these gigantic nightmares and no longer needing to wear a binder. I might no longer be stuck on shit loads of painkillers and I will be able to wear clothes that are not stupidly baggy to hide what’s underneath. I’m planning to not keep my nipples so that’s a bonus. 

I’m so fucking happy over this news. This has been a long time coming 

T-shirts designed at FTMBrighton

We did a T-shirt session, this is what we designed , I hope to see them all at trans pride on Saturday

These were not all of them, they were all wonderful in their own right. I love when we do making and craft sessions and the more paint the better