I think I said a lot when I posted about my feelings on this post about my struggle with being in my chair, and recently that whilst I am really comfortable about talking about being in a chair, I don’t actually like being seen in it. Which is bizarre because ITS NOT LIKE IT’S NOT FUCKING INVISIBLE.
I’ve had to keep myself pretty grounded recently because being seen in a chair, being seen as visibly fucking disabled actually terrifies me more than anything else. It makes people treat you differently and how I often treat myself at times.
I will internalize most of the bullshit that goes on, and peoples ablist remarks because at times I feel like I deserve it. I constantly think “am I actually disabled though” in my head, even though I know in myself that I bloody well am. These intrusive thoughts do not go away.
What even is “being disabled enough” and what the fuck does it even look like?
Why do I constantly self doubt myself, even though it’s obvious that I shouldn’t be feeling like this.
What the fuck even is life?
Tyler Charles Austen 