Dear people who need it right now.
Get help if you need it. Laugh if you can, cry if you have to. I know that this world is tough and you feel like people are against you, but the people who care for you are not.
I know you are hurting, and that break ups are hard. I know you want to push away people who were trying to help you, because its a defence mechanism.
If I had a pound for every person I pushed away at a time of crisis , I would be financially stable and possibly afford surgery. Everyone does it, and I totally understand that you need to do that to recover from quite clearly what you are suffering from.
When my Nan passed I felt like the whole world was against me. I drank, I refused to be medicated for my illnesses and tried to destroy things in other people’s lives. Because I felt like they were talking about me, trying to destroy my own life and feelings. I now know that what I was going through was grief and the paranoia that was going into it.
During this time I broke up with my partner, lost contact with a lot of friends and blocked a lot of people from my circle. This was because I felt at the time that I was always in the right, and what they were doing was entirely wrong. Again, I realised that this wasn’t the case, and that they were trying to help me become a better person. My language I was using during my sick time, and my behaviour was terrible.
Now, if you are going through this, please get help. Do not think you can cope with it by yourself. The problem with being ill sometimes is that you slowly try and isolate yourself from other people, and a vicious cycle starts. This doesn’t help anyone. I know you are struggling and I know that its a lot to cope with. But there are other people out there that can help you.
I’m sorry that you might be feeling at your worst at the moment, life maybe at its darkest. But please take care of yourself and stop trying to make others feel just as bad as you do now.
Please get help, not just for you but for the others around you. You don’t need to be like this.
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