So I posted this on my Facebook, and honestly writing this twice is just going to frustrate me, so I’ve just copied it exactly. If there is any questions then please ask me, I’m not ashamed about being honest about this.
I’ve been wrestling with this for a long time, and I have spoken to a few of you in the past couple of months, and I really appreciate everything that has been said to me.
Over the years I have maintained my bisexual identity, I have always said that regardless of gender and presentation I have always been attracted to everyone.
The truth is (and I of all places realised this whilst I was at bifest of all places) that I’m actually probably gay. I’m primarily attracted to masculinity and more masculine folks (regardless of gender, I have always maintained that anyone can be masc). I have spent forever trying to hide this and in all honesty the toxic environment of the cis gay community has been a huge part of it. I don’t even know if gay even is the proper term for me, fuck knows. Why does being queer have to be so complicated??
Whilst on a technicality I am still bisexual, I do not feel as if this label is best suited to me anymore. This is also I suppose my resignation from Brighton bothways too in a way. You have been a wonderful community and I will still be around but as friend and not a bisexual member.
I have honestly struggled with telling everyone about this as I have been not only pretty fucking vocal about being bi but it had been something I thought I genuinely was for the rest of my life. I had always told people that sexuality was always fluid, but never considered myself to listen to my own advice.
So yeah, I’m sorry for letting anyone down over this, if I have. I suppose everything that’s happened in the past month has made me realise that life is a very delicate thing and that hiding from shit really isn’t best for anyone.
So yeah. That’s it
First day of the A-Z challenge and this year I have no starting block, because I’m a fucking idiot and havnt planned this out. For those who have just met me because of the A-Z challenge, I’m Tyler, I’m nearly 30, I’m queer and I’m fucking angry.
You want to know why I’m angry. Well I’m angry because yet again I was shit on by medical services. My mental health is constantly being blamed on my transition (though I was mentally unwell 20 years ago and not identifying as transgender). I’m angry because my psychiatrist lied and said my partner and I engaged in sauna sex high on extacy and cocaine. To put this into context, Kai has never touched an extacy pill in their life and most of that evening we were spent at a bar because there was live music.
I’m angry that trans people, especially trans women of colour are still getting fucking murdered in this day and age. So much for fucking LGBT equality. I’m mad that whilst same sex marriage is a thing, trans people are still denied their titles on their marriage certificates and have to jump through hoops to prove their existence.
I’m angry that my dyslexia holds me back from being productive and that not having a neurotypical brain will always be a problem.
I’m angry that there are homeless people. Everyone should have a roof over their heads.
I’m angry because disabled people are seen as a problem that no one is happy to help.
I’m angry because this world if fucking backwards and shows no compassion.
I’m just angry.
So, I’ve been stupidity behind a lot of my posts and I’m trying to catch up with them.
In February we had the launch of the museam of transology. It’s currently based at the London fashion college by Oxford street.
When you get to the door you will come across the 8ft genderqueer music box that has been hand made with broken mirror pieces and wood. Blood, sweat and tears went into that. I should know because some of it was my blood… Sorry. It was amazing to have the privilege to work on the piece with so many wonderful people.
The museum itself is upstairs (lift is available to use to get up to it) and is full of pieces donated from trans people , predominantly from Brighton but also from people all over the UK. There are little tags on pieces donated, telling stories of how the items are there and what being transgender is actually like.
There is a projector of lots of different people on it and videos of trans peoples work. On the launch day there was a private gig for the guests and pentacorn was one of the bands that played.
The whole thing has been curated by the wonderful E.J who is one of the nicest and funniest people you will ever meet. He created a space where we can look back at our history and be proud of where we came from, and we should be greatful for this.
The space is open until the middle of April and it is free to visit. If you are on Oxford street in the next couple of months, please go and visit it. It’s amazing
Or as I wanted to call it originally “Toys for trans people”.
We are often seen as sexless beings (unless its porn catered to the fetish market), often discussing toys and sex can seem a bit daunting and you might not know where you want to go, or who to talk to about it. You might want to try different things and you don’t know where to start.
Firstly you should do your own research. Explore your own body, find out what sort of touch and sensation pleases you and go from there.
Secondly, if you have a partner with toys, maybe ask to experiment with them. You don’t have to play with toys that you have to penetrate yourself with them. There are a wide variery of sleeves, vibrators, whips, outfits, ect that you can try and experiment with.
Thirdly, browse websites for toys or go to your local sex shop store. For a good website, I highly recommend lovehoney.com as they have a 12 month return policy if you are unsatisfied with the product.
Fourthly, enjoy your toys. And if you don’t like them, try something else. It’s perfectly fine to not like some toys, and love other toys.
Finally, remember lube. Lube is a great friend and makes everything so much better.
So your LGBTQ and you want to develop a social life, but *gasp* you don’t like clubbing or pounding 8 grams of Mkat up your nose on a week night. So what the fuck do you do.
Luckily in this day and age going clubbing isn’t the be all and end all for a *cough* nearly 30 year old who cannot stand the sticky floor and shitty music. But what do you do instead?
There is an app out there called Meetme which is always a great start. They advertise meet up spaces for people regardless what you are into. For instance I go to a LGBT geeks meet up once a month at a coffee/bar place and get to meet up with new people like that.
You can do a shout out to do stuff with friends on Facebook. Like cinema trips or days out. You can make your own little queer events by looking for cheep or free venues, and have meet ups there.
Look round in your local areas for fun things to do. There are often craft or activities days going round in cities and towns.
Join groups that include your favourite hobbies on Facebook. You could find new friends on there and maybe find ways for you to hang out.
There is of course YouTube tutorials if you like making things, and many different types of stores where you can find stuff you want to build.
Basically, there is a whole world outside besides clubbing and drinking for queers, you should go out there and find places that make you happy.
Today’s daily challenge post is to write about what I like about make up. Considering I’m a masculine person, I didn’t expect anyone to give me this topic, but it happened none the less.
I do wear make up from time to time. I give zero fucks about who society thinks it’s designed for or what not. Anyone should be able to wear make up regardless of gender or gender expression. Most of my collection is on the blacker than black side of the colour spectrum, but that is because whilst I still love make up, I am still a goth.
I do also own a couple of purple items too. Make up is fun to try out and experiment with. Playing with different colours is fun, and making your lips or eyes brighter is so fucking cool.
Basically, don’t knock it, unless you have tried it. And I give serious respect to the people who dedicate hours of their lives applying it and doing YouTube videos about it.
I have mentioned a few times on here, but I actually do some crafty making things on my time away from my blog or volunteering.
I make handmade cards, I knit, I have a bullet journal that I designed for my blog work and I also enjoy doing those colour in books. Sometimes when I feel up for it, I paint and draw too.
Now why have I done this post, I hear you ask? Well the thing is, craft work as well as blogging is mainly seen as quite a feminine line of work done. When I started writing and blogging I noticed that a large proportion of the bloggers who I was seeing in groups were cis women mainly doing mummy blogs or craft work. It felt really weird for the first few months trying to get out there because so much of what I was seeing certainly wasn’t me.
I avoided mentioning that I made things and crafted because I felt that I would be placed with a lot of the women who wrote, and people thinking that men or masculine people couldn’t do this sort of stuff actually depressed me. It felt that it was a reflection on my gender identity and that I couldn’t be really a trans masculine person because I enjoyed doing stuff like that.
Then I remembered that thinking like that was totally bullshit. Craft work hasn’t ever been gendered and there are probably are a whole heep of men out there who want to do craft stuff but are terrified of what people would think of them. What also cheered me up was seeing an Instagram that was based solely on men who knit. It made me feel so happy seeing tattooed, bearded men sitting with each other knitting, and reminded me that things shouldn’t be quite so taboo.
Basically, regardless of gender, if you want to knit, or card make or journal, you should do that shit. Be proud of what you can make and do, and show the world that anyone can do anything. Regardless of what society tells you to do.