Trans Is Not Just For The Young

Most of the time when you see people mention about being trans (especially in the media) they are often in their teens, white, able bodied and often have a planned out set idea of what transition means to them and a goal plan set into motion. Surprisingly, in the real world and especially not online, this is not the case. Whilst white, I can certainly put to bed the suggestion as I started transition after my teenage years and I’m certainly not able bodied.

People are coming out in their later years more and more and this is bucking the trend of assumption that everyone has to be young to be trans. But why is this the case?

There are many reasons why people are coming out later and later but the truth of the matter is that we are having more of an open dialog of gender and sexuality and it is feeling like it is safer to be LGBT then it did many years ago. There is more access to medical care these days and we have so many resources at our finger tips.

It is becoming common for trans people to start transition in their 30s 40s and 50s now and this is because people have finally learned that they are not the only ones who are feeling the way that they do. That its OK to be who you are and you are not alone. Gender and sexuality has become a hot topic and it has saved lives.

If you you have started your transition later, please feel free to comment as to why you started when you did, we would love to hear from you

Dysphoria Blues

It’s weird because some days I am perfectly fine. I can go weeks and months without hating every inch of my body…

Today is really not one of those days though.

I’ve had my lower surgery pushed back and I know it’s not on purpose and I know that it’s only by a few weeks but it’s just little reminders like this that remind me that I’m not cis and that I need to get rid of something that distresses me so fucking badly.

I know logically that it will be over soon, but in the past couple of weeks I’ve been called she twice and that’s been a fucking kick in the head too. Both were really confused accidents but it’s just something that still cuts me up.

That and Charing Cross have fucked my appointment about also, so I’m just really feeling it lately. Hopefully all of this will just get better really soon.

Top Surgery – A Year On

So I finally hit my surgery anniversary and there is no balloons nor candles , nor do I feel even in the mood to celebrate getting rid of the one thing in my life that was causing me the most distress. Honestly it has just felt like every other period of my life throughout the past 12 months. 

I mean yes, I’m fucking happy that they are banished from my life, but it has been the hardest pill to swallow. If you are new here (hi) it’s also the marking point where I was last physically well. This point is the pivotal moment when my body gave up on me and I spend a lot of my time going out in an electric chair. I am trying to look at the positives but I can tell you now it doesn’t end up all sunshine and rainbows for me at the end of the tunnel. 

Believe me, I’m fucking happy with my results of surgery and I’m looking forward to my hysto next month but I am just so fucking tired all the time. I at least wanted a couple of good years with my body before it packed up on me. I just wanted to be a real boy ™ for at least a moment before I needed mobility aids. 

I know you were kind of expecting something a little more positive, but I am just so tired of being trans and barely human anymore 

Hysterectomy History

Today I got my letter to say I’m getting my hysto and I’m really fucking hyped about this. 

🎼say goodbye to babies

Seriously though I have been waiting for this letter for a solid couple of months now and I finally have a finishing point (?) to my transition. It’s been long over due but nearly at 31 years old I am nearly finished with all this bullshit. 

Plus I’m moving on from shots to gel soon so that is going to make my life a million times easier now. So I’m quite excited about that. 

I will post more news when I have a confirmed date, but womb has been given it’s final eviction notice, it is now time to leave 

How Things Change (Or Maybe Not)

CN –  Mention of murder of Christa Leigh. 

As I sit here debating whether or not to make myself a coffee, looking at my journal for my upcoming posts in the next month, I had noticed one note I had written. It says “How things have changed for the LGBT community”. I thought yeah things have changed drastically for us in the past few years and that has been wonderful. Then I remembered yesterdays news. 

Yesterday the founding member of Miss Transgender America was found murdered. She is the first transgender woman to be murdered this year. She was murdered by her own husband. Her name is Christa Leigh… DO NOT FORGET HER AS YOU HAVE MANY OTHERS. Things haven’t exactly changed for us now have they?We are at the start of this year. THE VERY FUCKING START and already someone has been murdered. 

LGBT people are still under attack for being who they are, who they were born to be and in 2018 already there shows no sign of this stopping. Systematic oppression is still happening, intersectionality is still not a talked about thing and poverty is on the up. 

Fucking hell, non binary identified folk STILL cannot get married under their correct gender identity and we are supposed to have “equal marriage”. I’ve been barking up this tree now for actual years. YEARS. Myself and my partner have been discussing this issue for 5 years whilst we have been together and still it has not been a thing. I’m going to kick the fuck off about this because, you know what I have kept my mouth shut for a very long time, and I am just about done. When you agree to take part in a film, provide contacts, tell the film maker that no, they are not the first person to be bringing non binary identity into the limelight, give information previously about how your partner even spoke in the house of commons in 2012 to discuss equal marriage and the spousal veto…. Only for that to be disregarded, ignored and not even thanked, it is going to piss people off.  

You want to know what has changed – sweet fuck all, except for the fact that we now have the more vocal, more able bodied, camera pretty shitlords taking credit for something that they never even fucking started. For your information the first non binary person to enter a government building and speak to members of Parliament was in the 90s and not 2017. Oh and before I get the sudden barrage of hate mail that probably is going to come with this as folks realise which film maker I’m calling the fuck out on, you should know this.

• They were invited to film our non binary wedding in 2013
• We were interviewed during their wedding and it got cut – might have been due to the fact that I mentioned that I had a protest wedding for proper equal marriage in 2010
• I hit them up with a contact for the film.

Fuck that actually felt good to get out. But yes, it turns out that disabled trans people have been doing work for a good solid 20+ years and not getting recognised for their work. Something that really fucking hasn’t changed over the years. Will it ever? I fucking hope so but I’m not holding my goddamn breath. 

I mean this isn’t the first time intersectional LGBT folks have and will get shit on. I am public about the fact that even Brighton museum up until THIS MONTH wasn’t fully accessible to people wanting to see the museum of transology, and it was just a goddamn door issue. Poor working class LGBT folks are still being seen as the scum of the earth by many of the richer community folk, and their issues are never addressed and LGBT people of colour still get fuck all platforms and when they finally do speak, they are seen as problematic or trouble “for the rest of us”

I mean fuck, I went off on one because a no trans people had been asked to take part in a conference aimed at the history of someone who was speculated to be non binary and a goddamn trans person told me to stop campaigning and they didn’t give a shit about their peers feelings as they wanted to attend anyway. THIS IS OUR CHANGE. TRANS PEOPLE IN PRIVILEGED SITUATION’S SHITTING ON MARGINAL FOLK. Fucking hell the cishets™ can pack up and leave cause we have trans people doing the emotional labour of tearing down OTHER TRANS PEOPLE for them. 

So in summary – what has changed? Nothing except some of us can get married, and privileged LGBT folks can now shit on others 

Transgender Day Of Remembering 2017

So today I spoke at our TDoR service. I’m not going to sugar coat it. It might be difficult to read and I totally understand that. But it is here for anyone to see. It mentions the police, corporate murder, suicide, and it may be distressing. 

Speech for TDoR

This year murders on trans people globally rose by 10% from the previous year. To put that into perspective that means on average, this year, 1 trans person was murdered every single day. Disproportionatly the statistics of the people in question who are murdered are predominantly women of colour. They are the most likely to be abused , assaulted and murdered and this is heart breaking. The areas of where these women are murdered are often the most poorer and harder to reach and often their lives, and ultimately their deaths go under the radar, or more often than not brushed under the carpet. 

In the UK the statistics in general for murder in the community are low, very low in fact. This doesn’t detract the severity of the act of violence that is used against us, but also brings on another talking point. 

One thing that wasn’t added into the statistics this year was corporate murder. For those who do not know what corporate murder is, it’s an act of aggression, neglect and abuse done by an industry, organisation or point of power, where the victim either dies from neglect, their injuries and /or takes their own life as there is literally no alternative. 

You would think that this would be shocking enough but trans people in the UK are more likely to die by their own hands due to chronic systematic failures than almost any other thing that can kill us. 

This year, six months ago yesterday, we lost Finn because of prolonged faliues done by the NHS and the current government leadership. This isn’t subject to controversy, it is a fact. His care within the NHS and the shocking lack of care the conservatives have towards physically and mentally ill folk meant that he had no choice, but to take his own life. Elly is here today to talk about Finn but I just want to say that on behalf of Navigate, there is still a massive hole in our hearts that I don’t think will ever be filled. 

Corporate murder doesn’t discriminate, and honestly any one from any walk of life may come across it or have examples of it in their lives. However trans people are highly affected by this, especially those of working class back grounds, people of colour or those with physical or mental health difficulties. Working class people especially are brushed under the carpet, as we discovered this year with Greenfell tower. Whilst this wasn’t an act of trans related corporate murder, it was a tipping point to all of us working class folk that the government would rather put us in insecure death traps that will catch alight with ease than think about our direct safety in our own homes. 

Whilst you may think this is a situation that shouldn’t be mentioned here, it really is, and here is why. Trans and queer people are far likely to be in social housing because of poverty and long term sickness and need than cishet folk in our city. We live in those council blocks, in the estates that look run down to shit. The ones where they have damp or have cladding that goes up. These places are neglected by the government and as we found out this year, are 20 story high coffins. 

And if that isn’t going to kill us of then damn the lack of funds the NHS gets, fucking will because I tell you now those 24 month waiting lists to see a  specialist is the invisible rope round our throats. And that is if we can get referred. GPs are now turning people away in surgeries in Brighton, because too many trans people need help. It is now harder to get our foot in the door for our own care. We are having to put ourselves at risk getting hormones or finding dangerous ways to pay for care privately.

This isn’t even including the neglected service that is our hospitals and even our own mental heath teams, which if we added all the numbers of trans people who died because if that then that number of murders is now reaching into its tens of thousands since TDoR started 

Don’t even get me started about how even our own “police” force treats trans people. You don’t serve us, you just serve the people who opress us, by placing us in prisons that do not fit our correct gender which lead to the murder of trans women , and sometimes even misplacing reports where victims of abuse have come forward and allowing perpetrators of crime free. Why are we still getting murdered, why are trans kids being attacked and more to the point, why the fuck hasn’t shit newspapers like the sun and the mail not been given cease and desist orders? You want to know what kills us. Shit like this. 
I supose what this year has been is an awakening to the fact that no, not all trans murders are listed in events such as this. That intersectionality still plays a huge part of both our lives and ultimately our deaths as trans people. That being poor, disabled and or a person of colour will still determine how you will be treated not only by the general public but by organisations that are ment to keep us safe, and that in all honestly if things don’t change soon enough more trans people are going to end up dead before their time. 
Thank you.

Good Morning Bigots

I had decided to take a months hiatus to ground myself and work on my mental health, as well as actually heal from top surgery (I will update) and well that month is up. 

So things haven’t changed. The cis are at it again. Good morning Britain (TV show in the UK) allowed their insufferable ball bag Pierce Morgan to spew bullshit from his mouth once again. This time showing how ignorant he truly is to almost everything that he is uneducated in. However we dress this up, Pierce Morgan has always been nothing more than a trump supporting queerphobic piece of shit, that would rather pander to the bigoted percentage of the population then either do anything of credit or even so much as pick up a medical journal into trans and/or intersex folk. 

Pierce’s views about non binary folk are not unusual, and are in fact not some of the worst things we have seen in the transgender community. The past few weeks there have been many “raids” on suppoelrt services and Facebook groups, most of the raiders being neo Nazis and/or just trolls on the internet doing it for lols. 

Addresses, telephone numbers, birth names of trans folk have been publicised online, and this action has dangered the lives of trans folk. Even high profile activists such as the “assigned male comics” have been publicly targeted and the author can no longer live in her home in fear of abuse and assault.

You want to know why I’m so mad at Pierce? Because his fucking actions on national television cause shit like this. He goes round thinking that he can abuse people on television and right wing idiots think they can do the same. There is no need to parade trans people on television , just to treat them like shit because they don’t share your cis view on life. OF COURSE TRANS AND NON BINARY PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT TO YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT FUCKING TRANS. Maybe rather than shout down people, maybe fucking listen to them. They are of course more educated on the subject than you. 

To be fair, a turd lying on the floor is probably more educated than you, but that’s besides the point. 

When TV producers allow hate towards a minority be shown by public figures, it gives a permission to all the others. The difference being is that for weeks we have been targeted in our thousands, and outed. I’m not even going to lie, even I’ve had abuse the past few weeks online, the private messages on the  Facebook pages haven’t exactly been the greatest. Some has been death threats. Turns out, people are really angry that trans people are alive. 

Basically, it’s a dangerous time right now for us folk. Keep your chin up, try to look on the positives and look out for your fellow queer person. 

PS – Fox and Owl, well done for not punching that smug ball bag Pierce ❤

 

Three years on T

Every year I do the whole “look at what changes have happened” round about the same time. The 12th marked 3 years of me being on hormone replacement therapy, so let’s have a catch up on what has happened in the past 12 months regarding my transition

Well after the bullshit funding rejection, Charring Cross signed me off for top surgery. I need to contact the surgeon team to book an appointment. I have taken a little time off my transition because of other things that have been very important in my life. 

I got a lower surgery consultation, it was good but the doctor was really shit with me. He only gave me 10 mins for the whole session.

My hair is at the last few months now of keeping it. Soon it will be too patchy and I will have to shave it off.

Beard hair is FINALLY coming through. 

Acne is still there and still painful.

To be honest, these past 12 months have been really quiet in regards to my transition. Hopefully in the next year I get to report that I have had at least top surgery. 

Trans Pride Brighton 2016

So Christmas has happened, its been and gone and we are going to have to wait another year for it to come round. This year was bigger and better than ever, and over 1500 people attended the protest march and well over 4000 people made it onto the park itself. 

As per usual I was with my adopted child FTMBrighton mainly, which was an amazing success thanks to the beautiful pronoun badges designed by Finn and 48 hours of hard fucking graft by a fair few people to make 2500 for 3 different stalls. This year was the first year of NOTA being around and Brawlers were also there bringing a huge crowd talking about skating. We are also finally in hopefully the last stages of changing FTMB’s name to something far more inclusive, which I’m happy about. 

After my speech on the main stage (yes I still can’t believe they let me fucking speak) I was both thanked for speaking up for queer disabled people and avoided by a few others. I promised myself that I would never mention the events or why I was avoided, or even who, but in all honestly it did me a huge favour that I could actually relax in the park without fear. Although one thing got answered for me thanks to my quick observations and I now know why all this shit has been allowed to happen. 

Now I know what you are thinking, because both my partners are on the committee, I’m going to sugar coat everything. No. I am not. For starters there was some transphobia that happened in the park, I felt that whilst an effort had been made, there was still not enough POC representation across the whole park (such as there being not many POC specific organizations involved) and the stage was not accessible to wheel chair users. These are things that have been noted and will be addressed for next year. Also some of the atendees were still shitty about sex workers being there and people shit talking about the people not wanting the police there. There should be platforms for people to talk about why the police do not make trans and queer spaces not safe and those people should not be shut up, but instead should be allowed to talk freely about their experience. 

I would like to say that “screaming toenails” are a fucking amazing band and that I want to see so much more of them! Also anyone who has an issue with them saying “ACAB” and “Black Lives Matter” on the stage should reevaluate their thought process because they had every right to say it on a protest stage. I could go on and on about how I personally feel that police shouldn’t be involved in anything trans pride related but that would take a long time and we are on this blog post to talk about trans pride itself. 

The acts were amazing and so were the speakers. The volunteers worked their butts off. It was also Phoenix’s last trans pride volunteering and I would like to say how amazing they have been with it all. They have put in so much work and so many hours and they deserve a fucking medal for everything they have been through. 

We also attended the gig that happened at west hill hall. All the acts were really good and we had so much fun. The next day we did the picnic at the Marlborough pub and it was really good. I met so many wonderful people 

I can’t wait for next years one. Its truly the only pride worth going to. 

Trans Pride Brighton Speech 2016

I spoke on the main stage on Saturday. I would like to say thank you to everyone who attended, the 4000+ people.Trans pride is my favourite part of Brighton and I feel fucking humble to have had that couple of minutes on stage. 

I have put my speech up here, so if anyone wanted to read it, please feel free to read it. Apologies for spelling and punctuation as it was the only draft, and my dyslexia would have kicked in. 

When I was asked to talk about my trans intersectionality I was like “cool” I can do this. Then I remembered, I cover a lot of boxes! And I’ve got a fear of public speaking

I’m bisexual, that’s probably covered. I’m a person of faith, I’m poly, I’m on the spectrum, have epilepsy, tourettes and I’m disabled. I think That covers a lot of boxes. 

My “disabilities” are pretty hidden. I get tired a lot, I am in more persciption medication that you can probably legally aquire and I black out and sometimes have seizures. If I included all my mental health issues I would be here longer than the few mins I’m allocated. 

When I joined FTMB committee (and after a while the trans alliance committee) I was totally honest with them. I’m clinically insane, I have involuntary outbursts at stressful times and physically I will be unable to perform even the basic of tasks. They took me in with open arms, told me that I can do this and inside this bizarly and sometimes broken brain of mine is actually a highly intellectual human being. Both groups were highly supportive when I said that I was a non binary trans masculine person. That I would never be just a average man. 

I haven’t exactly had the greatest experience in coming out as non binary trans man, I have experanced some of the most hateful treatment and most of it from binary trans people. I have had to leave services and I have lost friends because they didn’t believe that anything other then the binary was legitimate. I was also told in emails by well known trans people that I should resign from my volunteer roles because of this. 

Whilst its had its ups and downs, my transition and disability has not held me back. Last year I was offered the job by Josh to run a page called homos, heteros and a whole lot more with one if my partners, and we are now only a couple of hundred people away from 50,000 followers and have over a million people every week viewing our content. It gave me a platform to write about being queer and disabled and with the thanks to josh, my partners and my family I’m now slowly writing a book. 

I spent a lot of my life being stuck in a bubble where I was unable to communicate and because of FTMB and the wonderful people around me I am now able to speak here in front of you. 

Thank you