I don’t even know why I am writing this. Maybe to actually use this as the space it was intended for, I don’t know.
I’ve been stuck in this dilemma of trying to work out whether I’m actually sick at the moment or that the stuff that’s actually going on around me is actually happening. Honestly, if it wasn’t for a few people right now I don’t know what I would actually do. They have been the ones telling me that all this stuff is real and isn’t going on inside my head. Maybe it would be best if it was. I mean, at least I would know that there wouldn’t be people stirring shit. That people who are being fucked over by services were being helped as opposed to being told to shut up. That the community I had once loved had deep down been nothing more than a two faced piece of shit that was too cowardice to say anything in fear of finding out the truth. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Its not like it will help situations, as we all know my mouth has a tendency to get me into a lot of trouble. Something I’ve been told about one too many times. Maybe because I’m sick and tired of everything being unjust. Maybe its because there is a pain going on in my head that needs to be resolved. That bullshit rumours come out and remind me of shit that’s happened for real. Maybe for once, I kept quiet for so long trying to make thongs perfect that I finally saw the truth in people and it made me snap. I don’t know, but what I do know is that I need to resolve one thing or another. I don’t want to see my world crumble by people who treat others so poorly. I don’t want to be dragged into petty bullshit and squabbles that should be dealt with in school yards and not in adult spaces. Maybe i should just get the fuck out of this world. I don’t know.
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