How Things Change (Or Maybe Not)

CN –  Mention of murder of Christa Leigh. 

As I sit here debating whether or not to make myself a coffee, looking at my journal for my upcoming posts in the next month, I had noticed one note I had written. It says “How things have changed for the LGBT community”. I thought yeah things have changed drastically for us in the past few years and that has been wonderful. Then I remembered yesterdays news. 

Yesterday the founding member of Miss Transgender America was found murdered. She is the first transgender woman to be murdered this year. She was murdered by her own husband. Her name is Christa Leigh… DO NOT FORGET HER AS YOU HAVE MANY OTHERS. Things haven’t exactly changed for us now have they?We are at the start of this year. THE VERY FUCKING START and already someone has been murdered. 

LGBT people are still under attack for being who they are, who they were born to be and in 2018 already there shows no sign of this stopping. Systematic oppression is still happening, intersectionality is still not a talked about thing and poverty is on the up. 

Fucking hell, non binary identified folk STILL cannot get married under their correct gender identity and we are supposed to have “equal marriage”. I’ve been barking up this tree now for actual years. YEARS. Myself and my partner have been discussing this issue for 5 years whilst we have been together and still it has not been a thing. I’m going to kick the fuck off about this because, you know what I have kept my mouth shut for a very long time, and I am just about done. When you agree to take part in a film, provide contacts, tell the film maker that no, they are not the first person to be bringing non binary identity into the limelight, give information previously about how your partner even spoke in the house of commons in 2012 to discuss equal marriage and the spousal veto…. Only for that to be disregarded, ignored and not even thanked, it is going to piss people off.  

You want to know what has changed – sweet fuck all, except for the fact that we now have the more vocal, more able bodied, camera pretty shitlords taking credit for something that they never even fucking started. For your information the first non binary person to enter a government building and speak to members of Parliament was in the 90s and not 2017. Oh and before I get the sudden barrage of hate mail that probably is going to come with this as folks realise which film maker I’m calling the fuck out on, you should know this.

• They were invited to film our non binary wedding in 2013
• We were interviewed during their wedding and it got cut – might have been due to the fact that I mentioned that I had a protest wedding for proper equal marriage in 2010
• I hit them up with a contact for the film.

Fuck that actually felt good to get out. But yes, it turns out that disabled trans people have been doing work for a good solid 20+ years and not getting recognised for their work. Something that really fucking hasn’t changed over the years. Will it ever? I fucking hope so but I’m not holding my goddamn breath. 

I mean this isn’t the first time intersectional LGBT folks have and will get shit on. I am public about the fact that even Brighton museum up until THIS MONTH wasn’t fully accessible to people wanting to see the museum of transology, and it was just a goddamn door issue. Poor working class LGBT folks are still being seen as the scum of the earth by many of the richer community folk, and their issues are never addressed and LGBT people of colour still get fuck all platforms and when they finally do speak, they are seen as problematic or trouble “for the rest of us”

I mean fuck, I went off on one because a no trans people had been asked to take part in a conference aimed at the history of someone who was speculated to be non binary and a goddamn trans person told me to stop campaigning and they didn’t give a shit about their peers feelings as they wanted to attend anyway. THIS IS OUR CHANGE. TRANS PEOPLE IN PRIVILEGED SITUATION’S SHITTING ON MARGINAL FOLK. Fucking hell the cishets™ can pack up and leave cause we have trans people doing the emotional labour of tearing down OTHER TRANS PEOPLE for them. 

So in summary – what has changed? Nothing except some of us can get married, and privileged LGBT folks can now shit on others 

Why Weed Should Be Legal

Today’s challenge is about talking about why I think that weed should be legal everywhere. 

Firstly it’s a goddamn plant. It can grow everywhere. Like literally everywhere. Secondly it can be used for more than just getting high from. Thirdly, you can get high from it and the worst case sinareo is that you are going to get the munchies and sleep. 

Also let’s not forget its probably the only working pain killer that isn’t addictive, it has healing qualities and if it was legal then it could be taxed and an actual money source that could be injected into our economy. Hell we grow enough in the UK that we now export it, why don’t we not just do that on a larger, much more legal scale. 

No Nigel, No!

Nigel Farage

If you think relaxed gun control is going to make our country safer, you have another thing coming.
Recently there has been several shootings at Queer venues, including the UK, and a Labour MP is now dead. Gun crime as a general rule is pretty low here because of our gun control. Now I’m not going to over hype it and say that there will be murders on your doorstep every day and armed robberies every 30 seconds if we get relaxed hand gun laws. No. I am however going to say this.
Statistics have told us that you are more likely to kill a family member with a licensed gun then you are with anyone else. Gun crime is also pretty rife in America, most of the crimes committed are with people who have acquired a gun legally.
The pulse shooting for instance, was done by someone who legally was able to carry guns. I’m not saying that it wouldn’t have happened, but I’m saying that it would have been harder for him to kill 50 people and injure many others without that access to guns legally.
Nigel you are spreading the fire of people already scared for their safety. You claim to be a “man for the people”, but I don’t think many people actually want relaxed gun control. People want to be safe. So rather then guns, maybe find ways to protect people in other ways.

Oh wait you won’t. You are only interested in what white middle class able bodied people want, and not what the people who are at risk of violence actually want.
Maybe if you just shut the fuck up, stop drinking pints once in a while and actually look outside once you will realise that your party is doing a good enough job killing people without the aid of guns.

To Disclose Or Not To Disclose

CN – Laws , Transphobia, Disclosure, mentioning rape.

J – Justice

This word came with a question. So I assume my post should be based around that.

Should justice be served hot or cold?

I suppose the answer would entirely depend on the crime. If someone cheated at Scrabble or ate the last slice of cake, then yes, serve that revenge up cold.
However, justice and laws become complicated with the severity of the crime. I could go on about how I feel about police brutality, and how racism is rife in the “justice” sector, but I feel like it will be something I go on further when this month ends. Its wrong and it needs to be fair.
I feel like this word brings up more questions then answers. Like what gives you the right to be a judge? Should the current justice system be scrapped and a different system formed? Should the police be better regulated? That answer is obviously yes.
I’m sorry to who chose this word. This is the most you are going to get out of me because I feel I need time to give an adequate response to the question.

How do you feel about Justice? Do you have questions about it? Is it right? Please leave comments and share this post.
Tomorrow is K for Kittens

Our Own Broken Community

I am often accused of being too angry about the LGBT community and whilst I can say I’ve been passionate and at times a little sweary, there is actual reasons as to why it makes me so angry. I’m Queer, Trans and bisexual. I can also tell you that most of the issues I’ve ever had regarding my own sexuality or gender identity have been from the lesbian and gay community.
This community told us last year that “the war was won” in equality and that we can celebrate by marrying who we choose. This statement WIPED OUT all the struggles and fights the trans community are still going through and brushed under the carpet everything else that still goes on.

So whilst we are thinking about ONE victory in equality, let’s take a look at the others we should be addressing.

1) Do you like mentioning how you fuck to a therapist? Do you think your relationship to your mother and father impacted on your gender and sexuality?  Do you think that you being a cis person is just temporary and that you will grow out of it?
Awkward questions aren’t they? So whilst you were thinking about what “equal” marriage would look like, 100s of trans people were treated with zero respect with outdated text book “psychology” which is being used still even as I write this.
I’ve tried asking these questions to non trans people and I’ve been told to mind my own fucking business. So why is it OK to ask a trans person this?
2) Guess what? Without a GRC, trans people in the UK people cannot get married in their legal gender without having to either get a pagan hand fasting or go to specific places of faith that are LGBT friendly. So if someone has been out for 10 years, gone though treatment, has Mr on all of their legal records and documents, but didn’t pay the fee to have a board of lawyers tell you that you are “man enough” , You can expect Mrs to be written on that marriage certificate. A GRC isn’t compulsory to own, it essentially erases the need for a birth certificate and that is it. So why is it essential if you want to get married? Doesn’t seem equal to me.

3) Actually whilst we are on the whole marriage certificate, its not gender neutral. Considering it’s meant to be equal marriage, non binary identified people cannot use Mx or other neutral titles. Its either male or female. Also what about intersex people? Where would they fit in with “marriage equality”
4) GRCs. Gender recognition certificate to be precise. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, ITS NOT A LEGAL REQUIREMENT. You do not need to own one to be legally recognised anywhere as the gender you identify as. But if you do want/need one. Do you think a board of cis lawyers should be able to determine something they themselves have no “real life experience” with. Even Drs at gender clinics find the system so problematic its unreal.
4) Have you felt the threat of physical violence whilst you have been trying to take a piss? If the answer is no, then good for you. This is a challenge trans people (mostly trans women) face day to day in public bathroom. They are faced with abuse, ridicule, violence and rape on a daily basis. And for what? To take a piss? Surely this is just as important as deciding how many tiers a wedding cake must be.
5) TRANS PEOPLE ARE STILL GETTING FUCKING MURDERED JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE TRANS. I honestly hope I don’t need to explain to anyone why this is so fucking important.

But its only trans and non binary issues that are still going on, I hear you cry. No. Let’s throw a few other things out there.
*Bisexuals are more likely to face discrimination then Lesbian and Gay people. They experience abuse from outside the community as well as inside, and are often told that their sexuality isn’t legitimate.
*There are more bisexual people living in poverty then there are Lesbian or Gay people.
*Asexuals are erased often in the LGBTQA acronym. A means Asexual and not Allies. Please don’t erase asexuals just for you to say that our straight allies can come along for the ride.
*Bisexuals are more likely to experience suicidal thoughts, self harm and drug and alcohol problems.
*Racism happens in the community, and people of colour who are LGBTQA suffer not only just with straight people, but with the gay scene. Have you ever been on Grindr? Its horrible and needs to be addressed.
*Intersectionality is also a thing that needs to be addressed. Its assumed that people fit in only one box, and other issues such as disabilities and illnesses never get addressed.

There are many MANY other things that could be included, but we would be here for a very long time.
Look I’m not saying to hate the fact we have “equal” marriage, I am just saying that the war is not over yet. We need equality for all, not just a select few.

FYIYT – Selene

In a first of many (I hope) we are doing a segment called “Fuck You, It’s Your Turn”. This is about interviewing people of interest, great bloggers, friends, family and others.

This one this week is with Selene, the creator of hoochie-coochie-hotsauce, the amazing sex positive blog. This beautiful young woman has honestly been a dream to talk to both in real life and this interview. If you are on tumblr please follow her, you will not regret it!!!

As you could probably guess this is NSFW, contains sexual language and all views are of the person/s interviewed. Also just as a content warning there is also discussion on consent and may not be a good read for some.

So before we start can you quickly tell me about your blog? Why did you start it?

I started my blog because there was a lot of sexual misinformation going around. There needed to be someone to stand up and educate people on safe fun trusting ways to have sex.

Have you received any good or bad feedback from having such a sex positive blog on Tumblr?

Not as of yet, but I went into this expecting some resistance from groups who promote abstinence, or feminist extremist culture groups.

Do you think, in today’s climate, that there is such a pressure to have great sex and to look pretty?

I do, we see fashion magazines pushing weight lose and “get your summer body now”, and plenty of sex articles on “10 ways to have great sex”. We should all learn to explore each others bodies and figure out the pleasure points, instead of following an article that probably isn’t true and gives misinformation.

It also doesn’t help that celebrities, who young girls and young boys idolize, conforming to the pressure you see out there

Recently in the news there has been a massive pressure on “TopShop” to change the size of their shop models to a more realistic size. Do you agree that clothing manufacturing groups should do that everywhere, to create a much better body positive attitude or do you think that the companies should have a choice?

I think the companies should have the choice. It’s not our right to say whether or not a store (that is privately owned) should change what they do with mannequins. Also the mannequin isn’t there to make anyone feel good, it’s there to display the clothing, its just there to show people what the outfit looks like off of a hanger. I think some people forget that. It doesn’t help that pressure comes from all angles to be a skinny model shape. We all aren’t 6ft plus and skinny as a rail like models are.

Body positivity doesn’t start with a mannequin, or an article telling you what you should do, or how much you should weigh. It starts with inside of you, you have to accept who you are, and if you don’t like who you are, you have to make the healthy smart changes for that.

In the UK porn laws changed this year so you are unable to create films (on UK soil)  in an “adult extreme fetish manner”. What they did was ban fisting, spanking, whips, watersports, female ejaculation and face sitting. There was a massive uproar and a lot of people accused the MPs of banning only porn that showed female empowerment. Do you think that all these types of acts should have been banned?

No. The reason I think they shouldn’t have been banned is because everyone has a fetish and, if those kinks aren’t being fulfilled, frustration builds. It can hinder daily life.

It’s all about consent, all parties (in porn) should be signing a waver. The waver states that the parties involved do not have HIV/AIDS, no STDs/ STIs, and that they consent to the actions about to be filmed. I see no reason to ban these films.

To me porn is a good outlet to relieve stress, and stress reduces risk for suicides, it increases productivity at work, and makes friendships and family relationships more manageable. And, by removing the particular fetish outlet, Parliament is creating a forced stressed atmosphere.

There have also been talks about porn sites being made to take peoples credit card details to prove the viewers are over 18, do you think this would be a sensible idea? What do you think is the best way of stopping minors from viewing porn?

That’s a good question, I don’t think that is a good way, because of free porn sites, like xhamster, pornhub, and their brother sites. Also not everyone wants to have a porn site listed on a card statement, especially since lots have husbands and wives.

The issue with a card is it also gives those sites permission to charge for what ever they want, whether it’s an entrance fee or a minimal charge per video viewed.

People have to realise that teens are going to want to know about sex and they want to explore what really turns them on. Because sex education preaches about abstaining, teens don’t know where to find good information about sex so where else will they go? Porn.

To combat minors viewing porn I would say that for every viewer a profile being made an ID verification is required.
Also a policy needs to be set in place where the web admin can’t extort someone.

Do you feel like the sex industry (in all forms) is taking advantage of people who are in desperate situations? Do you think that sex work should be decriminalised throughout the world for the safety of workers?

By and large yes, especially in the caming industry, there are girls that are being forced to work for the minimum amount to survive, they work 12+ hours a day and are taken advantage of by their studio managers, not only financially but physically too.

I do believe that sex work should be decriminalised, unless the worker is being exploited. There needs to be a safe outlet for the workers to turn to if they need help. If they stay out of jail they can continue to feed their families and progress towards a better life.

Do you feel that, with all these restrictions, peoples safety will be put at risk, because of how uneducated they might become?

Uneducated?

Uneducated about sex, with no knowledge or understanding, sorry I worded that badly

It’s okay. Yes, if women and men are entering this field they need as much education as possible, whether it is self defence, birth control options, a buddy system, or education about drugs. It needs to be done. We will see less women and men being hurt, taken advantage of, and contracting STDs/STIs.

Talking of safety – BDSM, Do you feel that the “50 Shades of Grey” books have damaged the community and that they cast a shadow on what the kink scene is truly about?

Very much so, there are so many sides to BDSM. I feel like 50 Shades was made strictly for getting horny housewives off. Not all BDSM is about cuffs, whips, chins and leather. For some it is that, and for others it is a dominant/sub form. There is even a sensory side. I feel that the books and the movie portrayed a non existent version and excluded the real concept and thought behind what BDSM truly is.

What does consent mean to you?

Consent used to be a black and white area, if you and your partner said yes then it was classified as consent. Now-a-days, consent seems different now. To me consent is black and white, whether you are drunk or knowingly drugged, if the persons involved said yes then to me consent was given.

A lot of your entry’s talk about lube, what is your favourite brand?

Well my favourite is probably “ID Glide”. Its a water based lube it has virtually no smell and is super easy to clean off toys or even sheets.

And it’s extremely inexpensive.

If you could design a sex toy, what would it look like?

Hmm, something along the lines of the rabbit head (on the rabbit vibe) with a g-spot attachment for the magic wand, both stimulations create one explosive orgasm.

I would call it The G Bunny!!!

Which is your favourite toys and / or companies?

I personally love my Hitachi magic wand with the g-spot attachment and speed controller. I love how the attachment hits the right spot and the and the the speed controller allows me to control when I cum.

How does Clyde (the husband) feel about your blog?

He supports it 100%. He sees that there is a huge populace out there that is so uneducated about sex. He has even helped me with “research”. He understands that people will engage in sexual activity and that it is a biological need. He, like me, wants people to be safe, smart, and have a lot of fun while having sex and exploring other kinks in the bedroom.

Have you had any unusual requests on your blog?

To be honest, no. I think people are scared to ask about the unusual, I think they fear that they will be judged in a negative light. With my blog that’s just not the case. It’s a safe, secure place for anyone to ask and explore and no judgements will be passed. We all have our special kink, so be open about it and let others know that it is enjoyable.

What is the best question you have been asked so far?

Hmm, probably about my sex life, people look at me and think I’m modest or a “do it in the dark with the lights off” kind of person but I’m far from it, I have a toy collection and I bring it into bed with me. I love sex, and the connection it brings me to my husband. I just want others to have as fulfilling of a sex life as I have.

What would be your top 5 music tracks for when you are getting it on?

I have never listened to music during sex. I like the sound of the other person, I  like to focus on the movement of their body. I also talk during sex. Could that be classified as a sound track?

That could be considered music.

Beautiful music at that 🙂

Finally, if you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?

Lol umm, that’s a good question. I think i would be a mango, because it’s sweet and soft. It is also a pretty popular fruit.

Thank you for answering all my questions

I had fun answering them.

If you want to know more about Selene or her blog, head on over to hoochie-coochie-hotsauce and start following it!

Thank you for reading and keep an eye out next Friday for another interview!