Shortest post I’m probably going to write but I don’t think that it requires a lot of words.
If your feminism doesn’t count trans women, sex workers, people of colour, disabled people and the working class, not only is it not intersectional, it is in fact shit. Feminism is about equality for all, not just those who already have a sense of equality.
Brief one, because well, it doesn’t need too much covering and I’m a day behind.
Equality means shit all unless you are actually fighting towards equal rights and not just things that make your own personal life a lot easier.
Equality means that you consider intersectionality and how that there is not just one path way to be gay, or trans, or disabled, or whatever minority.
Equality means you stand up for all your sisters, regardless whether they works, want kids, are trans or are women of colour.
Equality means that everyone should have a safe home to sleep in and food.
Equality means everyone has the right to a life and also a right to quality health care.
If everyone wants equality, there should be no exceptions.
April is coming and it’s another chance to attempt the A-Z challenge. Last year was a total disaster where I had to drop out half way through but the year previously was a success.
This years theme is about “Gender and Disability – looking critically and how to be more intersectional” This sounds like a total mouthful and yes I have made me work my fucking ass off this year but it was something I could actually do for a month that would still keep the ethos of what my blog was for originally.
If you have joined me because of the A-Z master post, hello!!! Some of the stuff might be confusing, some might be uncomfortable also. Whilst I am catering this month to the idea that there will be a lot of people reading this who have not only never encountered a trans person, let alone a disabled one – I will not be toning down language either and I will be pulling apart the cisgender heterosexual able bodied approach to life and how we need to adjust society.
Some posts have already been written in advance – on the 12th I am having major surgery. If I am slow to reply to comments and stuff. That is why.
Any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. I’m more than happy to talk about certain things on here. Good luck to every writer taking part this month and I look forward to looking at what everyone has done
TC Austen
It has taken me several weeks for me to post this. Not because I couldn’t. But in all honesty I have been so fucking exhausted. For those who don’t know and are new (hi), I did a talk for the Trans and Non binary conference in Brighton University in the lecture room. I was originally going to bail out of it. I had become really unwell, to a point where I’m now in and out of a wheel chair and talking about transition with chronic illness broke my heart because it was so close after Finn had died and even now I am still grieving for him. This post does mention him and his suicide. Please be aware of this.
I finally realised that the only way I could actually show people what it’s actually like to be disabled , chronically ill and trans was to physically show everyone what it really was. Not sugar coated. Not painted in a beautiful light, but how it actually is. Raw and fucking terrifying. Oh yeah, and I got a fan sign made for me, which is cute as fuck and I still have it at home.
I am aware that the conference itself got sold out and there was a huge waiting list for tickets to go to it. Unfortunately I havnt seen anything come out of it, such as audio of the lectures or transscripts, and since I’ve been asked a few times now what I actually said. I have decided to write a blog post kind of detailing exactly what I said. It’s not exact because in here there is more that I wanted to say. I unfortunately was so bad, I couldn’t manage the whole 15-20 mins. I barely managed 10 if I am 100% honest. Also, it’s me here, and the swears will still be in here.
Good Afternoon everyone
Before I start this, I would like to point out to those visually impaired or can’t see over to the right of me, there appears to be a fan sign written in black and red glitter on yellow card that says “we love batdad”. Turns out members of my own committee like to embarrass the fuck out of me. Teaches me not to rule with an iron rod. I will talk to all you fuckers later about this.
For those who don’t know me, my name is Tyler, I’m the chair of Navigate, a trans support service for AFAB and intersex folk. I am a blogger who actually specialises in sex and complaints. These are not always together although I am known as the bitter queen of complaints. I’m 30 years old. And I’m disabled. Well I assumed at this point you probably gathered by my partner bringing me on in a wheel chair, but I actually wasn’t in the chair before I submitted my application to do this talk. I have a spine injury from a horse riding accident, I’m hypomobile, I’m osteoarthritic at this point now, I’m pre diabetic, I suffer psychosis, oh and I’m epileptic. If I was told that I could do a power point presentation, I would have shown the clip on the Simpsons where the Dr tells Mr Burns that he doesn’t know how the fuck he’s still alive and that all of his illnesses are just jamming in the door.
At this point in my life being transgender is the wrapping of the rest of the bullshit that I have to contend with. I should at this point state that whilst I present male, and have had top surgery, I take hormones. I do not identify as a binary gender. Infact what the fuck even is gender. The closest I have visually to the gender I identify is Rodger the alien from American Dad. This probably doesn’t help my case now that you are all picturing that now being me since I’m now bald. Basically I’m Agender, gay and really fucking camp.
So why am I here talking to you? Well one, I couldn’t get out of this even if I wanted to and two, someone needs to say how much being disabled and trans sucks.
And it fucking sucks. You think gate keeping for trans folks with no obvious medical issues is tough. Try telling them that you need top surgery and having your diagnosis of bipolar disorder thrown in your face that you got when you were 16. Try getting your hormones signed off when they start picking apart your physical conditions. Fuck sake, try binding when your spine is fucked and your disks are out of place. This is only a tiny proportion of the about of bullshit that we have to contend with on order to be seen as valid by our doctors, peers and society. I’ve got permanent spine damage because I HAD to bind with an injury. They dragged my fucking top surgery out for 4 years. 4 FUCKING YEARS. My funding got dropped twice. To put this into perspective of how big my chest was, when I was perceived as a cis woman, I was entitled to a reduction because the NHS knew that 42 G breasts were not only painful to live with but fucking dangerous. That magically disapeered the moment I came out as trans by the way. Like my medical problem suddenly vanished over night and it was only until February this year I finally received top surgery, and that is only because I chose a surgeon that had 2 months waiting list.
You would say that hormones was easy for me, and yes accessing them was a piece of piss in comparison to the hell that was, but because of being on hormones I am now suffering because of this. I am in pain because of arthritis now and it’s not getting better. I was told that in all honestly this could have been prevented or delayed if a hysto had been done sooner and my body wouldn’t go through the continued menopausal shit it has had to endure. I am STILL awaiting a hysto. And to top it all of recently my medical notes have vanished so my doctor thinks I’m making shit up half the time because there is no record of stuff. He just claims that my pain is because of me being fat. I realised this wasn’t the case, because I went from 114kg to 80kg and felt worse. It was only pointed out that I was in pain all the time because of the bendy problem and that should have been spotted years ago. It was only spotted early 2017 after YEARS of me telling my doctor that I knew I was, but guess what, he didn’t listen and blamed of on either me being trans or my weight. The thing is. I’m not the only person who goes through this systematic bullshit every day. 1000s of trans and non binary people are constantly neglected by the system. We have three routes we can take, we fight super hard to get our basic rights, we don’t transition at all or we end up dying.
I said at the beginning of the day that I didn’t want to do this talk. Loosing Finn, loosing others in the past couple of months, my own chronically ill community siblings has honestly taken out every fight I have had in me. Having someone, someone you fucking work with kill themselves because they had no fucking option shouldn’t happen. We are forever being failed by medical negligence, we are treated like shit because we are trans, we are treated like shit because we are disabled. We are in an endless loop of no hope that our only option is to kill ourselves rather than feel like we are being a fucking burden to our friends and loved ones. Finn should never have been failed by the system. The system was what caused his death. That was what drove him to suicide. He is not the only one. 100s of others are doing it every fucking year and with our government cut backs, a benefit system that disabled people can’t even manage, and the ever rising cost of living. This number is going to increase every fucking year. And does this shit even get reported in the media? No.
Actually whist I have everyone’s attention, is there any trans and disabled people in the media? If you know one please put your hand up because I need some hero’s. (No one did) See. We are surrounded by these ideals that trans people need to be slim, able bodied, articulate, well polished and preferably white middle class. Where the fuck are my poor, working class, disabled trans folk. We are great in numbers and no one wants to show the real fucking lives of actual trans people. How are we even meant to get any rights when we are not even visible ? We need to get some better representation.
At this point I realised I has lost my entire place and couldn’t see my notes because I felt so dizzy.
I am going to have to cut this, but I need to say this first. We need to make trans activism inclusive of everyone that is trans. We need to get better representation of not only disabled trans people, but people of colour, sex workers and working class folk need a voice too. We are not the people you can throw under the bus to get your rights, we need rights too and it’s your job to make sure we have a platform at all stages of our transition regardless of our intersections.
Thank you for listening.
Over the past few months I have seen first hand how ableist the world actually is. I’ve written before about how people do not see me as being someone who has disabilities and how much it frustrates me when I ask for additional support but people look at me like I’m lying because I look “far too young” to have anything wrong with me.
I’m not the only person in my life that experiences this. Both my partners have various issues that prohibit them from some day to day tasks, but because neither of them are not visible, they are seen to not exist.
I should start from the beginning. Whilst I look like some scary bright haired goth with an attitude problem, there are many things actually wrong.
I have a spine injury made worse by binding, I have arthritis, my joints lock on bad days, I’m epileptic, I’m on the autistic spectrum, I have tourettes which is just about manageable and my mental health is so bad at times, suicide has felt like the only option. Not including how screwed up my liver is of course. My life involves a juggle of which pain killers I need to take, not stressing myself out and attempting to sleep.
This combined is honestly exhausting at times. I don’t like talking about it often because people just think its bullshit and that someone my age cannot be so ill without being in a wheelchair. I do have a stick that I use on bad days. Which again I get shit for because people do not think I need it.
A couple of weeks ago I got told “how were they supposed to know I was struggling to move because they had seen me walk without my stick” when I asked about how accessible certain venues actually were. During the same conversation, the person went on to imply that people in wheel chairs were the main concern and maybe they should just ask everyone with “special needs” what sort of venue they wanted.
If it wasn’t so fucking sarcastic in tone, I would have honestly coped with it better.
You see, I get abuse all the fucking time. Whether its because I’m a non binary trans person or I’m sitting on the bus with my stick in the priority seating. Because my conditions are not visible, I don’t have them. I once got pushed out the way queuing for a bus, by someone much older than I demanding she must get on before me. I explained that it was rude but she didn’t even care. Because I was a “young person” I can wait.
Me today on a "bad" day
I honestly expect it in public spaces now where people do not know me. Its OK, I don’t expect people to understand hidden illnesses and conditions you can’t see. I however don’t like the fact that I get called selfish, a liar or rude because I cannot physically give up my seat or move quick enough. I’ve had to contact Brighton and Hove bus company because how bad I have been abused on the bus. Even though I have the card explaining to drivers that I need the seat.
What I don’t like, and I really don’t understand is that groups, friends and people I know have been like this. There is an assumption that queers do not need venues that are accessible or that extra help maybe needed when required. I’m horrified that at times I have to constantly repeat myself and say that certain things are not helpful to me. Its then when I’m upset. When I get looked like I’m shit in trans spaces and accused of being passive aggressive because I have asked for help or that I can’t engage in human interaction it suddenly makes me a cunt. Or that me being autistic makes me a trouble maker because I can’t engage in a “normal” way. Yes I get flustered often but if I was listened to rather then ignored, you might understand why.
I feel that constantly I am battling with supposed “queer and/or trans activists” about intersectionality and that people can fit into many different boxes. I also feel that the same community are also the worst to understand this. We should all be working better towards making safer spaces to all queer and trans people. Not just middle aged, middle class, able white queers. ALL QUEERS
I’m trans and I’m disabled, not one or the other. Both. And that’s not going to change because you do not see it.
Tyler Charles Austen 