Transition Update – Consultation For Lower Surgery

Photo of me waiting in the clinic.

So as an update on my transition, I thought I would just check in to say what happened at my lower surgery consultation. 

Yes I am fully aware I have had my lower consultation before my top surgery. 

It was only 10 minutes long, rushed and honestly I thought the person was really rude. They clearly didn’t want me to get the meta option, and when I stated that it would be my only choice for lower surgery, he then showed me the most photo shopped and perfectly angled meta pictures. 

He didn’t like the fact that I knew that I had the option to only want stage one meta, and neither peeing standing up, or having an erection was a thing I was that bothered about. 

He was more interested in my hair, food, smoking and Pokémon. When I said that i was planning to quit smoking he just said “well you can for a few months and you can start smoking again”.  Like what the actual fuck. 

He just said at the end to wait for Dr Christopher to contact me and see where we go from there. Honestly it was a fucking shit show. 

When Kai and I came out, we just went Pokémon hunting haha. 

Our Own Broken Community

I am often accused of being too angry about the LGBT community and whilst I can say I’ve been passionate and at times a little sweary, there is actual reasons as to why it makes me so angry. I’m Queer, Trans and bisexual. I can also tell you that most of the issues I’ve ever had regarding my own sexuality or gender identity have been from the lesbian and gay community.
This community told us last year that “the war was won” in equality and that we can celebrate by marrying who we choose. This statement WIPED OUT all the struggles and fights the trans community are still going through and brushed under the carpet everything else that still goes on.

So whilst we are thinking about ONE victory in equality, let’s take a look at the others we should be addressing.

1) Do you like mentioning how you fuck to a therapist? Do you think your relationship to your mother and father impacted on your gender and sexuality?  Do you think that you being a cis person is just temporary and that you will grow out of it?
Awkward questions aren’t they? So whilst you were thinking about what “equal” marriage would look like, 100s of trans people were treated with zero respect with outdated text book “psychology” which is being used still even as I write this.
I’ve tried asking these questions to non trans people and I’ve been told to mind my own fucking business. So why is it OK to ask a trans person this?
2) Guess what? Without a GRC, trans people in the UK people cannot get married in their legal gender without having to either get a pagan hand fasting or go to specific places of faith that are LGBT friendly. So if someone has been out for 10 years, gone though treatment, has Mr on all of their legal records and documents, but didn’t pay the fee to have a board of lawyers tell you that you are “man enough” , You can expect Mrs to be written on that marriage certificate. A GRC isn’t compulsory to own, it essentially erases the need for a birth certificate and that is it. So why is it essential if you want to get married? Doesn’t seem equal to me.

3) Actually whilst we are on the whole marriage certificate, its not gender neutral. Considering it’s meant to be equal marriage, non binary identified people cannot use Mx or other neutral titles. Its either male or female. Also what about intersex people? Where would they fit in with “marriage equality”
4) GRCs. Gender recognition certificate to be precise. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, ITS NOT A LEGAL REQUIREMENT. You do not need to own one to be legally recognised anywhere as the gender you identify as. But if you do want/need one. Do you think a board of cis lawyers should be able to determine something they themselves have no “real life experience” with. Even Drs at gender clinics find the system so problematic its unreal.
4) Have you felt the threat of physical violence whilst you have been trying to take a piss? If the answer is no, then good for you. This is a challenge trans people (mostly trans women) face day to day in public bathroom. They are faced with abuse, ridicule, violence and rape on a daily basis. And for what? To take a piss? Surely this is just as important as deciding how many tiers a wedding cake must be.
5) TRANS PEOPLE ARE STILL GETTING FUCKING MURDERED JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE TRANS. I honestly hope I don’t need to explain to anyone why this is so fucking important.

But its only trans and non binary issues that are still going on, I hear you cry. No. Let’s throw a few other things out there.
*Bisexuals are more likely to face discrimination then Lesbian and Gay people. They experience abuse from outside the community as well as inside, and are often told that their sexuality isn’t legitimate.
*There are more bisexual people living in poverty then there are Lesbian or Gay people.
*Asexuals are erased often in the LGBTQA acronym. A means Asexual and not Allies. Please don’t erase asexuals just for you to say that our straight allies can come along for the ride.
*Bisexuals are more likely to experience suicidal thoughts, self harm and drug and alcohol problems.
*Racism happens in the community, and people of colour who are LGBTQA suffer not only just with straight people, but with the gay scene. Have you ever been on Grindr? Its horrible and needs to be addressed.
*Intersectionality is also a thing that needs to be addressed. Its assumed that people fit in only one box, and other issues such as disabilities and illnesses never get addressed.

There are many MANY other things that could be included, but we would be here for a very long time.
Look I’m not saying to hate the fact we have “equal” marriage, I am just saying that the war is not over yet. We need equality for all, not just a select few.

Tits And The City

Friday (19th February) was the day for my VERY FIRST Charing Cross appointment in London. I had spoken previously about my transition, my journey, and how it fucked up at the last hurdle because I was thrown between two different funding bodies and neither wanted to pay up. I had gone through 2 years with one system, only to wait another 18 months so start another path way. And here it is. The big day.
First things first, have you ever tried to get a fucking train on a Friday, during half term holiday. I tend to avoid anything close to a commute during this time, but it was unavoidable.
No seating.
No fucking seating.
Downside of no seating. My joints lock up and I am stiff as hell until we can finally get a seat in priority seating, you know the place where people who are unable to stand, are allowed to sit. A family, is NOT priority. A group of loud teens on their way to party is NOT priority, unless of course you are entitled to sit there and in which case I’m sorry. I know what that’s like for people to assume you don’t need assistance because you look too young to have arthritis.
Plus side of no seating. Adorable child was fascinated with my hair, they started complimenting it in French and tried to grab me. Their parent was apologetic and said that they really loved my hair. I don’t know what it is, but kids have been all over me lately since I moved to sea blue hair.

Eventually we managed to get seating, which was a huge relief to my body. We were sat near a what could be described as the mist stuck up middle class family ever. I wouldn’t even call them out but when a homeless person came on the train and was trying to get money, they talked about her like shit. Like she was just an object with no feelings or emotions. It made me feel sick.
Other delightful family conversations included a joke about trans people. That there was a difference between male and female hair (it was the length apparently) and questioning why there would be airplanes at Gatwick Airport. Yes people, why would there be airplanes at an airport?! Gatwick is also in Southampton also.

Eventually we managed to get off the train and navigate ourselves round the underground, and on or way to a tube that took us to Barons Court. It was a closer stop to the hospital then the stop at Hammersmith. Also for travellers out there. Charing Cross tube station is no where near Charing Cross hospital. I haven’t made this mistake luckily, but I’m just alerting others.
We managed to get there early (for the safety of trans people I will never give the location of the gender clinic) and decided to grab lunch. During this time I made friends with a pigeon which I named Dave. I think it speaks volumes on a persons sanity that whilst they are chowing down on a sandwich they give a random bird a back story. As promised Dave here is your mention, you can run and tell your friends how famous you are.

We got back to the clinic and I was seen pretty quickly. I think I have a man crush on Dr. Lorimer. I had planned my blog post to be about how awful it was, and how badly I was treated as a queer trans person. But it was the fucking opposite.
He was one of the politest, kindest, hilarious doctors I have ever come across. From the moment I had stepped into his office my case had already been dealt with and everything I needed to discuss with him was just a formality. Questions were asked, and laughs were had.
So with a full heart I’m happy to announce, I’m officially signed off for top surgery. Surgeons are being contacted as you read this, and the first one to contact me out of my 3 choices is going to be the person who takes my tits off. I have been blessed that because of how I had been treated previously, and a plus side of me being in pain all the time now, is that its an urgent requirement that they are removed.

Because we had time spare, we decided to go to the British museum. It was interesting to be there.
Before anyone asks, no I didn’t donate money to go see it. Whilst they are beautiful artifacts that should be viewed, I still believe you shouldn’t give money to crime. Yes I said it. Britain fucking stole most of it, its even labeled on some of the artifacts. A part of me believes that if they gave Greece all their historical artifacts back they might not be in debt.

Eventually we headed home after a long day. Honestly it went so much better then I expected it to be. Things are finally starting to look up for me and eventually the two huge burdens that are in my life, will be gone soon. Till then, I have all the waiting to do, and I will be keeping everyone updated.