Sex Toys And Queerness

Or as I wanted to call it originally “Toys for trans people”. 

We are often seen as sexless beings (unless its porn catered to the fetish market), often discussing toys and sex can seem a bit daunting and you might not know where you want to go, or who to talk to about it. You might want to try different things and you don’t know where to start. 

Firstly you should do your own research. Explore your own body, find out what sort of touch and sensation pleases you and go from there. 

Secondly, if you have a partner with toys, maybe ask to experiment with them. You don’t have to play with toys that you have to penetrate yourself with them. There are a wide variery of sleeves, vibrators, whips, outfits, ect that you can try and experiment with. 

Thirdly, browse websites for toys or go to your local sex shop store. For a good website, I highly recommend lovehoney.com as they have a 12 month return policy if you are unsatisfied with the product. 

Fourthly, enjoy your toys. And if you don’t like them, try something else. It’s perfectly fine to not like some toys, and love other toys. 

Finally, remember lube. Lube is a great friend and makes everything so much better. 

Queer Dating – Part Eight – Bottom, Middle, Top

Sex.
Now I have your attention you dirty bastards (yes I know what you really came here for, thank you Google for misinterpreting my blog for a porn blog) let’s actually talk about fucking.
We have covered the basics before with our online etiquette, our language and general “not being a cunt” attitude. We have gone through many online matches on Okcupid, wittled through the trash and dick pics on Grindr and battled the bizarre of Fetlife. But finally we have someone we are willing to share our bed with.
Now, what the fuck do you do?

For starters, do not rush yourself into sex. Do it when you feel ready to do so. There is no time frame you need to set yourself to and no is always an option. Never feel forced to have sex. If you are with someone who is pushing you to have sex against your will, that is rape. That’s not sex or even consent.
Secondly, and this is going to sound boring to some people, but its super important. SEX SAFETY.
I can already hear the bored moan as you are thinking “urgh they are discussing condoms!” YES WE ARE GOING TO BRING UP CONDOMS PEOPLE. You might think that those little latex things do not need a mention, but without them you are risking your health and your partners. There are many types, shapes, colours and sizes.
And for those who say that they can’t wear them because they are allergic to latex, there is latex free types.
Also, there are super thin ones for all you out there that have a problem when it comes to feeling.
As well as condoms, there are many other forms of birth control you can use, to stop unwanted pregnancy. Also I’m throwing this out there, to the trans and non binary people  who are having vaginal intercourse. Being on Testosterone is not a guarantee to stop you from getting pregnant. You can get birth control that isn’t hormone based such as the coil. If you do not want to get pregnant, please make sure you look after yourselves.
Sex safety is not also about just STIs and unwanted pregnancy. Its about feelings and physical safety as well. Things you may want to consider before getting intimate with someone.
*Safety words or actions – if you have a gag in your mouth, how do you communicate that you want to stop?
*Language. Some trans and non binary people struggle with wording when it comes to body parts. Ask your lover/s what they would like their body parts to be called and please try and respect their wishes.
*Supplies. Baby wipes, lubrication, antiseptic wipes, plasters, heat packs, lotion. Some of these may sound like bizarre things to use but if you are into heavy BDSM these are things to consider.

So, what else should I consider when it comes to sex?
Firstly if you are getting your moves from the entire works of “50 shades” I would seriously reconsider your sex life. You can find enough reading material out there that points out how problematic it is, out there. No one wants to base their sex life on a tale of abuse, dressed up as a romance novel.
Secondly, do not ever assume your sex is going to be like what you see in porn. Its edited, it takes hours to shoot, and you are given lighting and direction by a man in the corner watching your evert move. Its not going to be perfect. Its going to be messy, and I can tell you from experience, if you attempt to give someone a “facial” you WILL get cum in their eye. IT HURTS. ALOT.
Do not expect the first time you sleep with someone to be perfect. It probably will be a lot of fumbling and questions. AND THAT’S OK. Part of experiencing sex is that it’s a learning curve. Each person you will go with is going to like different things, and those things can change. Take time to learn what both you and your partner/s like, its a marathon not a sprint.

So how do you even have sex?
That’s entirely up to you. Toys, tongue, fingers, genitals, the world is your fucking oyster. I could give you tips on how to fuck, but its all about how each person sees sex. All i can give you is the advice i hand to everyone. USE LUBE IF YOU ARE HAVING ANAL. Nothing is a passion killer quite like a torn arsehole.
Rushed sex also can lead to tearing and painful rubbing also, so foreplay is a great thing to start with.
And finally, if its your first time with toys, work your way up to the 12inch monster dildo. Start small.
And you can always stop if you don’t like it.
Do it, don’t do it. Just do what makes you and/or your partner/s are happy to do, and never force yourself to do what you are unhappy to do.