Cats. They are dicks.
As a cat owner I can tell you that they are dicks. In nearly 9 years I haven’t owned a soft furnishing or a table without it being clawed up. I have been woken up at 5 am because a little furry fucker wants food. And if you want things like books on shelves or little ornaments you can forget it.
But I honestly wouldn’t have it any way and let me tell you why the two furry bastards that run my life, have also been the greatest thing to me.
For starters they are cats. Fucking look at them. Look at the tiny little bean toes they have and the cute ears that stick up.
Both Bebo and Teto may look similar but they are not. For starters Teto is smaller and has medium fluffy hair, whilst Bebo is a bit more chunky and has short hair. As well as those differences Teto’s tail is like a feather duster. It picks up dust and crap. Honestly he rolls in it 80% of the time but I’m so thankful he loves (LOVES) being brushed. He also has extra long fur that grows in between his little bean toes.
Bebo on the other hand, has this snake like tail and is mainly black all over, apart from he’s now getting grey hair, especially round his neck. He also has bald nipples. Bebo has also made it on the Instagram menlovepussies with Kai. I think that was a proud moment for him, bit I can’t quite tell because he always seems like he’s grumpy.
Now he may have a face that says he wants to kill every mother fucker in the room. But I have never met something so cuddly. Regardless whether you want fuss or not, your always going to get it with him right now. Just to clarify I am talking about Bebo and not the human.
Now whilst Teto is your standard house cat that doubles up as a feather duster and Meow’s a god awful lot. He is also a serious diva and the attention must be on him or he will be disobedient. Many things have been destroyed with his hissy fits.
Bebo is a whole kettle of fish. When I first got him, he had a few psychological problems. Now anyone who tells you that an animal doesn’t have mental health issues is wrong. Bebo has a few issues, mainly interaction. He cannot stand human interaction with people he doesn’t like. Now that’s a normal trait, I hear you cry. Well yes and no. The problem with Bebo is that he is a self harmer. He rips his fur out if he isn’t feeling OK. He also is quite violent and will scratch and bite you if he is not in the right head space. It has taken YEARS to get him the way he is now.
Before Teto, I had another cat called Charlie, and he passed away when Bebo was little. He grieved for Charlie like a human would, and this was when we found out about his issues. He became one of those nightmare cats you see on TV. Now most people would give up hope. They would see their cat rip out their own fur, scream and cry, and attack people, and think “Fuck it, we are going to have to put him down”. No, I could never have done that and here is why.
Bebo was me in cat form. This black, annoying, disruptive nightmare was me. I wanted to work with him because I knew I could at least try and make his life more comfortable.
The day we got Teto, he totally changed. He stopped pulling out his fur. It took him a few days before he got used to his you get companion, but they have been inseparable.
Soon after we got Teto, we realised that Bebo had another problem. His back legs started to get stiff. And we noticed that jumping for him was quite hard. We have worked with him, and he is coping fantastically. Occasionally he surprises us by jumping up on top of the book shelf. We know as he is getting older, it will start affecting him more and we are prepared for that.
At that point in Bebo’s life, we realised that Teto wasn’t growing any taller. After he reached his 2nd birthday, we realised that he was still the same height as he was when he was 6 months. This has not affected Teto in the slightest. He’s short. He has stumpy legs and a long body. What he makes up for in height he gains in volume. You can hear him where ever he is. He will talk to you ALL THE TIME. On the toilet, having sex, on the phone. He needs to talk to you. You never get a moments peace with him unless he is sleeping.
Talking of peace, have you ever had a bath with a cat trying to jump in it? That’s Teto. Sometimes you have to run him his own bath (in the sink) otherwise he will jump in and start cleaning himself. This is when I found out that not all cats hate water.
Now, I probably haven’t sold you on cats. I haven’t even told you about how bad cat farts are. But I want to tell you why I have written a post about them.
You see they are my babies. They are the things that get me up in the morning. During the day, if I’m sad, I will get a cuddle from one of them. If no one is at home. I have something to talk to, and the great thing is that they don’t answer back at me. Saying that Teto probably is calling me every rude name under the sun half of the time.
My point is, is that no matter how much work I have needed to put in, I have been given it back plus more. As a cat owner I know what its like to tread on hair balls on the way to the toilet, or seeing the half chewed giant moth on the table. But i wouldn’t have it any other way. They are the greatest thing that have been in my life, and I am so happy to have them.
For more information about my little furry shit bags please visit Kai’s blog post about them
Tyler Charles Austen 