Return To The Gender Clinic

On Friday it was my second visit to Charing Cross gender clinic and well it wasn’t exactly great. 

You see many red flags have been brought up , the Dr was am insufferable cunt to say the least and will probably now label me as a problem patient. I’m not stating who it was (cough Davis) but if you tell me that it takes only one or two months to get a response from them whilst they have my notes that took 6 and a half months for me to get, I’m going to call out your bullshit. Also he acted as if I didn’t know anything and I told him to stop fucking lying to me, kai and I have to pick up the bullshit pieces this clinic gives AFAB people on a monthly basis, so yes we know how bad your admin and note taking really is. I don’t think he likes me much. 

Also he failed to read ANY of my notes stating that this was literally just a second signature for lower surgery as I already had 3 go aheads from other Drs , gender specialists and psychiatrists and what had failed me was NHS funding. He was sure that I didn’t know what I was talking about till my partner also stepped in and said exactly what I had told him and to look at my notes. 

He was going on and in about my father and step father, as well as my families history with mental health. He actually wanted to know very little about me and only brought up my actual transition in the last ten minuits. He didn’t know why I hadn’t been contacted by the surgery team and would chase them up asap.

We decided to pop into the surgery teams place of work (since they were round the corner) and guess what. THEY NEVER GOT THE FUCKING REFERRAL. That’s right, they never received it. Well they did, maybe but it had the wrong surgeons name on it, so it was fucking bounced back.  I could have already had my fucking top surgery already but because the team is now run by Kate and not Allison they just didn’t give them the notes. It had Kate’s surname on it though, and still they didn’t think it was for her!! The only records they had was the last surgery consultation I had. 

So we ran down back to the clinic and told Davis to send the referral to Kate and not Alison. Considering they had her surname right they might have actually cross checked first who was running the surgery team now. He did his “urgh umm OK” which he did for the whole hour of my appointment. Again he said he would get right on it. Pigs fucking fly though. 

However I’m getting another lower surgery consultation and I’ve said I don’t want the same Dr seeing me, as 10 minuits wasn’t an adequate time for a life changing surgery. However its probably not going to be another 9 months because, well you know the admin issues

The long story short. I would have had top surgery already of it wasn’t for a forename typo. 

By the way. If you tried calling the clinic between 1 and 4 pm, we didn’t hear the phone once. So if you didn’t get through, they turned off the phones again.

Also my next appointment is next year

In August. 

10 months time. 

Three years on T

Every year I do the whole “look at what changes have happened” round about the same time. The 12th marked 3 years of me being on hormone replacement therapy, so let’s have a catch up on what has happened in the past 12 months regarding my transition

Well after the bullshit funding rejection, Charring Cross signed me off for top surgery. I need to contact the surgeon team to book an appointment. I have taken a little time off my transition because of other things that have been very important in my life. 

I got a lower surgery consultation, it was good but the doctor was really shit with me. He only gave me 10 mins for the whole session.

My hair is at the last few months now of keeping it. Soon it will be too patchy and I will have to shave it off.

Beard hair is FINALLY coming through. 

Acne is still there and still painful.

To be honest, these past 12 months have been really quiet in regards to my transition. Hopefully in the next year I get to report that I have had at least top surgery. 

What They Don’t Tell You About T

So its coming up to my 3 year anniversary on testosterone and I thought I would do a post about the shit I wasn’t expecting or didn’t think would happen. Now if you are going to start using T or are on it, I would like to say that everyone’s journey is entirely different and that you might not experience everything that I have said here or maybe stuff that’s completely different. It works differently for different people.

As a content note I will be talking about genitals, body image issues, physical issues and depression. 

The first thing I will tell you is this. When people say that you won’t feel anything for a good few months, they were bullshitting when it came to me. Within 2 weeks my voice started cracking and it was painful. Icecream is your friend. For some people when your voice starts changing you will realise that cold liquids might be the only thing you might be able to intake because it hurts to swallow. This is normal and it will pass. If it doesn’t pass after a while contact your doctor. 

Secondly. I’m three years in and the acne is still so fucking bad that when I have top surgery I don’t know if I could go shirtless because of how bad it is over my body. This is because the hair folicals are still trying to come through. If you are expecting to be a hairy bear overnight forget it. It will probably take some considerable time unless you have the hairy genetics. 

Thirdly, there is a huge brag about how your sex life will get better, and how you will want to do it more. For some people this is not the case what so ever. And its ok if you are not interested in having sex. I know there is sometimes a huge pressure in trans masculine spaces to be sexually confident but its perfectly fine for you not to be. When I started T I was horny 24/7 for about 3 months and then it became pretty low. Its normal. Also its normal for your sexual tastes to change and providing its consenting and legal its perfectly fine to try out those new tastes. Also I would like to say that be prepared for growth. Your clitoris (or dick or penis or how you describe your genitals to make you feel a little more comfortable) may get considerable in size. For me it became really fucking uncomfortable to put up with. 

Forthly. There is a huge pressure to start working out and going to the gym with a few trans men. There is also quite a lot of transphobia and sexism in the community. Surprisingly there is a fair bit of toxic masculinity and you do not have to settle for it. Never let someone shame you for your body or how you present. Its your transition. 

Fifthly, depression happens. T is not a magical drug that makes every problem go away at the jab of a needle. Whilst some people feel that they are suddenly happier, for others it’s not the case and you are in your right not to be forced to be happy when you are not. 

My sixth point is a rare point, but it happened to me and I feel as if I need to share this. There is a slight chance that the shot site you use (if you are on injectables) may waste away. After a period of time the area (mainly your butt) might not be usable. If this is the case you can move to your upper thigh (outside leg not inside). There have been a few admin in trans groups that have been saying that this is misinformation but I am speaking from someone who confirmed this with nurses, doctors, an endocrinology department doctor who specialises in hormones and a gender identity clinic doctor. Your thigh if your arse is too painful or not viable can be used. Remember to always alternate what sides you use also. 

Finally. It doesn’t matter what type of T you use, and it doesn’t make you less of a man if you use gel. Don’t let people bully you into what type you use. I had to swap from sustanon to nibedo because sustanon affected me really badly. Its ok to change which T you use also. Just make sure you have regular check ups. 

Remember this journey is yours and that everything is different for everyone. 

Consultation – Update

Its not often that I get to do two transition related posts within 24 hours but apparently I need to do another one. 

So this morning I got a phone call to say that I am having a consultation for lower surgery on the 21st July in London. Honestly I’m so fucking shocked and excited about this. I don’t know if I’m going to have it, but I requested the chance to speak to the surgeon team and possibly taking about the idea of Meta instead of Phallo. In 24 hours my transition has sped up so much. I’m finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel with this and I couldn’t be happier. 

On Monday we are calling the surgeon teams for my top surgery consultation and dates. So watch this space for the next update.