Yes, I am so happy that I had top surgery, but I thought I would be healed already and I could go back to normal, but no. I am still in quite a bit of pain at times.
This rant isn’t about all feminists. It’s about one type of feminist. TERFS. Or as they are called, trans exclusionary radical feminists.
Firstly, their obsession with trans women’s genitals is beyond a fucking joke. As feminists we do not disrespect women and lower ourselves as to suggest that a womans worth is in her genitals. Get the fuck away from that bullshit mentality. You have been demanding that women are not judged by their worth by their genitals. This doesn’t mean just fucking cis women.. It means all women.
Secondly, which ever one of you cunts that started the whole trans people ALWAYS regret their decision to transition, needs to fucking stop. Do you know the actual statistics of people detransioning. It’s lower than 1%. In fact the most common issues of “regret” have been from trans peeps that have been forced to have unnessisary operations or hormones for them, often pressured by gender clinics. This is based on the assumption that non binary genders do not exist.
Thirdly. TRANS MEN ARE NOT LESBIANS. Not all trans men are attracted to women, as we all know. Sexuality and gender are totally different fucking things. Secondly, trans men fucking exist. They are not “defecting to the other side” or “fighting against feminism” they are just being men.
I would go on and on about individual cases of TERF bullshit, but you can google it really easily and I don’t want to see really triggering stuff for me.
So in conclusion, feminism is for all, not just for the cis
Doing a rant a day has been kind of exhausting but also quite freeing as I have a fuck tonne of pent up aggression inside of me. A lot of that pent up bullshit is because everyday I am using some form of emotional labour… For free, often when I don’t want to be doing anything other than curling up in a ball and dying.
Emotional labour is all around us. People are giving time to help other people, such as answer questions that could easily be googled, give time volunteering or just sometimes even listening to friends problems.
I’m not saying emotional labour is a bad thing. My gripe with it is that it’s often u thanked, not paid and very little reward is given from it.
For example I went to a meeting a few weeks back. I’m not going to say what the meeting was or who was there for obvious reasons, but during the meeting myself and a few others were roped into answering questions about being transgender and other questions like that. We weren’t there to do that, it wasn’t our meeting that we were running but because we were the only (visibly) trans people in the room we were bombarded with questions. We were also not thanked for it.
Providing emotional labour is fucking exhausting. There have been times where I have stepped away from my blog because of it. Many times I run off to my mums to get away from doing it for a couple of weeks. It does burn you out after a while and its always good to look after yourself and check in with yourself to make sure you are not burning yourself out.
Doing voluntary work is often a thankless task. However it can feel rewarding. However it can be really fucking shitty too.
Basically, if someone helps you. No matter how big or small. Please thank them for doing it. It’s often a lot of hard work and you often don’t know what other bullshit someone else is dealing with at the time.
So last night I had many ideas on writing something for the letter D. I’m angry at Drs, Disability, Dick heads, my own Dad, Dead naming (Visit Kai for a post on that), many things.
Then I was rudly woken up this morning to drilling. Fucking drilling. It’s actually ruined my day.
For 7 months , I have had builders doing the external renovation on my block of flats (apartment block for the non Brits out there). For seven fucking months I have been woken up to drilling, grit blasting, hammering and general loud rude builders.
Today, they were doing the property below us and it started at 9:00am. Before you ask why wasn’t I even up at that time, I am a night owl, I do mainly afternoon and evening activities and I don’t normally get to sleep until the hours between 3am and 8am. Today I didn’t get to sleep till about 7 am.
It was so bad this morning that it was shaking our flooring. I can deal with that just about but I have noise sensitivity issues and the pitch of the drill just made me want to throw up.
This shit normally goes on all day and it’s being dragged out as long as possible because our local council are footing the bill. It should have been done months ago.
This I could deal with but just after the builders stop, every day, I swear my upstairs neighbour turns on their drill for 10 min’s and just let’s it do its own thing on the floor. And this is EVERY DAY.
I am currently only getting sleep on weekends at the moment as that’s the only time they don’t work. The past few weekends I’ve been super busy and so I’m burned out pretty badly.
I’m not saying that DIY shouldn’t happen, it just shouldn’t happen every day on the outside of the building that shakes everyone’s home all at once.
Now before I continue, cisgender just means people who are not trans. It just means same in Latin. Two, don’t start with the whole “not all cis” bullshit. You know I don’t mean every fucking cis person in the world and you know it. When a trans person talks about being stuck in a cisnormative society, you listen to them because we are getting pushed through the cracks of society because of medical and social stereotypes and assinptions that come with being trans.
I don’t think I could be in a relationship with anyone that’s cis. It turns out that cis people are really curious about genitals. Like grossly. It’s always the first question that comes up when you start trying to date someone. For context of how bad it is, if you type in queer dating into the archives, you should find a few gems of the bullshit we have to deal with cis people.
Secondly, cis people think that one of our role models is Caitlen Jenner because she’s a huge face in the media. That’s like us saying that Noel Edmonds or Kat Von Dee is every cis persons hero because they are cis. I mean yeah sure they may be some cis peoples hero’s but they are problematic as fuck to many and their transition status (or lack of) shouldn’t be a deciding factor of which role models we should take.
What’s cis peoples fascination of passing for that matter? Why is it that cis people say “I bet you can’t wait till you look like a real girl/boy?” Firstly what the actual shit, can you all stop saying this shit. We are really pissed off with this. Secondly who the fuck set the bar on what the fuck we should look like and how we should appear. Thirdly and this is a huge thing, you are erasing non binary identities in the process of your binary steroypical bullshit. Non binary people exist, non binary and intersex people are fucking real. There is not just male or female identities on this earth. Passing is not a thing for some people and you need to fucking respect that.
Then there is sexual health and medical care. An assumption of that we are “lying” about our gender and our bodies, and you saying that we won’t get the right care, is total bullshit. Treatment and care is often just done by height, weight and body type. The only time when gender may come into question is when it might have something to do with genitals or fertility treatment. And even then your doctor should know what the fuck you have. Also yes we do have sex, please make your services accessible to us please so we can practice safer sex care and access birth control.
Also on this notes, drs and psychiatrists. Not everything that is wrong with us is because of transition. I don’t have a broken arm because I’m trans, I don’t have asthma because I’m trans. Google trans broken arm syndrome and see the misdiagnosis that happens because you are obsessed with our gender.
Finally cis people, stop acting like you need a prize because you have a friend that’s trans. You really do not need to tokenise us please. If you continue to be like this, we may no longer be our friends.
This has been day three of the A-Z challenge and day three of different rants. Tomorrow is D
Content note – mentions miscarriage.
Urgh, so I’m slowly creeping up to the big 30 this month and I’ve noticed that more and more people are starting to question about me settling down. Or to put it better, when am I going to stop being poly, be in a mono relationship and start having kids.
Sorry, but it’s not happening.
For years I thought I wanted kids, I actively tried, and quickly found out through multiple miscarriages that it would be very difficult for me. Having miscarriages rips your fucking heart out, it nearly killed me every time. I tried for a long time to do the whole kids route. Then I realised I wasn’t doing this for me, I was doing it because society expected it from me.
When I came out as trans, I decided I wanted to keep my eggs, just in case. After a while I realised it really wasn’t something I wanted to do. I had just felt pressured being in a long term relationship and everyone wanting you to make the next step of marriage and kids.
Then my health started playing up.
Nothing has ever stopped me more from wanting kids then not being able to physically look after myself. I have days where I struggle to physically move and days where I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I know physically I couldn’t be a 24/7 parent to a child.
What I want to know, is why the fuck is there some bullshit expectation to settle down and have children at a certain age. I mean the worlds fucking over populated, we have Trump controlling a quarter of the fucking globe, you can’t get on the housing ladder, so your kids don’t have something to inherit when you die.
These are good points, but why do I need to even do them. Surely just saying “because I don’t fucking want to” should be a good enough reason as to why you don’t want a child.
And hell let’s face facts there are many MANY teenagers that are stuck in the adoption system. If I was wanting to have kids, I would fucking adopt. Obviously the issue here would be me to pass the adoption test. But if I wanted kids, I would give someone a chance they were not able to get.
I mean yes. I love seeing my friends kids, and yes I’m always up for baby sitting duties, but fuck dealing with dirty nappies, temper tantrums and a question every 30 seconds to something I do not have the answer to.
This is why I have cats!