From Keyboard To Sheets In Easy Steps

I was asked if I could write an article for  onlydates.co.uk and I bloody well did it. Turns out I was not going to get a response either way as to whether it was getting posted or not. I waited far longer than the 48 hours they had said it would take. Its probably not for them, which is cool. I just wanted closure. It wasn’t a paid job, it was a labor of love. And for my readers, here it is.

For many years of my life I was on dating websites and apps that were looking for quick hook ups (you know the sort I’m talking about). I was interested in nothing more than the chase, the sex and then the inevitable walk of shame the next morning.
Then 2012 happened. 2012 was to become the year I came out as a trans man. I had battled with the burden of being stuck with the wrong body for many years of my life, it made a huge hole in my life that could only be filled with drink, drugs and highly risky sex.
Now I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t have sex. Sex is great, and I’m certainly not saying that you shouldn’t look for love online, because it can and will work for some, But I’m here to talk about how to be more mentally mature on the web and how you can protect yourself.
Firstly, you should ask yourself what you are looking for. Are you looking for love or sex or just even someone to talk to. Do not throw yourself in the deep end when all you want is to dip a toe. Are you using a reputable site? Does this cater for my needs and tastes? Am I mature enough for human interaction?  All these questions you should ask yourself first, before you start looking for the one/s
Secondly. Consider your etiquette, your communication and presence online. This is where MANY people go wrong!! I avoided online dating for quite awhile because people would ask about my (lack of) penis in the first 5 seconds of communication. Men, as a man I will tell you now that if you start a conversation with a dick pick, you are probably not going to see anything other than a block. Start with a hello! Politeness is the key to success. Also ladies, gentleman and other gendered individuals, never sell yourself short. This is a marathon and not a sprint. Take your time, talk to the people you are trying to hook up with and get to know them.
Thirdly, always remember that you do not have to commit to anything other than yourself and your feelings. If someone has been abusive in anyway, you do not have to be with them. I have personally been abused online quite a lot , and 99% of the time its because I’m transgender and bisexual. My block list is more populated than London, and that’s fine by me. Never tolerate bull****. You are a human being. Whether you want casual sex or a long term relationship, you need to put you first.
The forth point. The meet up. Remember to tell a friend where you are going. As much as you could have vetted this person or people, you do not know exactly what’s going to be happening till the big meet up. Always keep yourself safe at all times. I personally would make sure condoms (or other birth control) is with me at all times. I would also recommended that the very first face-to-face was in a public place. Coffee shops are great for this. After all this sit back, relax and see how the day/evening takes you.
Finally, and I must stress this. Never feel pressured to actually have sex. If you don’t want it/it doesn’t feel right. You don’t have to do it. If you feel like you have/are been pressured to have sex, try and remove yourself from the area and contact someone who you feel will be able to help you. Be it a friend / family member or local authorities.

Dating and casual sex is meant to be fun, an adventure of sorts. Keep safe and make sure you are having fun, otherwise what’s the point.

Hoochie’s Guest Post

Hiiii readers of Hoochie! I was asked very kindly if I could do a guest post, and obviously I agreed to this, and not because I’m thirsty as hell and crave attention but I was asked to talk about being trans following some recent issues involving media representation.
So I would like to start by introducing myself. I’m Tyler, I’m 28, I’m poly amorous , I have two beautiful partners and I’m transgender. I identify as a Trans masculine person, yet I’m quite “festive” in presentation on occasions. What this means for myself is that I was FAB (female assigned at birth) yet I am male.

Now the reasons for this post. A television show recently came on that had trans people in their show. Some of the people involved did not give consent to some of the footage, the people involved were also originally pitched a different idea to the show that actually came out, including the title. Now I’m not going to even mention the shows title past this point. It was called Girls to Men. It was meant to be called The Testosterone Diaries. The show itself mainly focused on penis and surgeries, and had no representation of non binary identities.
I realised because of this that sometimes other trans stories need to be told, and those voices should be heard louder that a shitty freak show filmed and edited with no care and very little attention to the people they are actually affecting.
For starters you should try and talk to CJ and Sabah about this. They are the victims of this show. They were only used as token POC who didn’t even agree to the shows final format. They are wonderful people and my heart goes out to them.
Secondly, please if you are not trans and you would like education, please research. Don’t take shock docs seriously, and try and speak to actual trans people. I would suggest googling “My genderation” the videos are made by trans people.
Thirdly, and I speak from the heart here. Not all trans people can or want surgery. This doesn’t make them any less trans. I personally do not want lower surgery. I went through a stage where I thought that was the only thing I desired more than my life itself, but then I questioned why I was wanting it. It was because I felt I HAD to. The reasons why I decided it wasn’t for me were quite simple. These reasons are my reasons against having phalloplasty, there are also other surgeries also. 
1) I couldn’t go through 3/4 different surgeries, trying to build a penis, only for complications to happen. I’m not going to lie, they can happen, and they do, often. I do not have the physical strength to go through that
2) Even after no complications, you could end up with no feeling/ no sensations. I couldn’t face years of treatment only for it to be unusable to me
3) Even if this all worked, the rod that holds erections, does need to be changed/re fit. Again that’s more surgery, and that is just excessive for me
4) I’m comfortable with my man cunt. If I could magically take a pill and it changed to a penis, then I would take that in a heart beat. But I have grown accustomed to owning a vagina. The only issues I had was periods, I can deal with a vagina providing I do not associate it with womanhood in my head , and that’s what periods did to me.
5) I really like being fucked. And there is no shame in that. It doesn’t make you less of a man if you are penetrated.

I suppose that this post is to alert people that its OK not to want to go through evasive surgeries, if they do not want to. I feel like there is a massive pressure on trans people to be a set way, and that’s not true. There are many ways to be trans and many paths to choose from. I hope that this post has wanted to start conversation and will encourage more people to talk about their own experiences with sexuality and gender.  The best way to find out about other people’s lives is by asking us our own stories and not by sensational TV.

Now, since you have read this on here, you should go view http://hoochie-coochie-hotsauce.tumblr.com because that’s who I wrote this for. They have an amazing blog, and this post is written for her followers 🙂

Posted from WordPress for Android