Not many things terrify me when it comes to my writing but wanting to bring up faith and my own personal faith, and suddenly I shit myself in fear. I suppose there are many factors into why I would find this so terrifying, a lot of it though is my own personal battles with faith and thoughts about it.
I am a person of faith. I also have Jewish heritage. These are intersectional and I consider myself to be a Jewish Satanist. No, Satanism isn’t about worshiping the devil, but about having a critical thought process on religion and faith (and not allowing people to fuck with you). I am highly critical about religious scripture and textbooks and I would rather discuss what religion means on a personal level than as a collective. There is a high amount of sexism, homophobia and bigotry in religious text, but you have to remember that each section was written by one person (or a small collective) who had their own motive to write it, and that was often to keep the oppressed and illiterate masses under the thumb of oppression.
However being a queer person and having faith spark debate constantly, and whether being queer and of faith can actually be healthy thing. And the truth is, yes. There is nothing to stop a person from being able to be LGBT and of faith, just as it is that straight people can be atheist. You can have a relationship with God and be queer. God had created us in their own image, there for even a small part of God themselves would be Queer. I also feel that when judgement day happens and if God is in existence, I feel that my homosexuality would be in all honesty the least of his concerns.
Faith is often used as a point of comfort, and it was something that had sparked mine. My nan was Jewish, and when she passed I wanted to keep one part of her still going. As a family, we had been brought up that respect different faiths and beliefs and that it was OK to also not be a believer. We were allowed to research and educate ourselves on faith and Judaism was something that was never forced on any of us. My brother and sister are atheist and my mother has faith but still sees it as a collective attitude rather than a singular religion. I am highly privileged to have been able to experience this growing up and it had brought me to a better understanding of faith.
It is just something I feel so uncomfortable of even discussing and practicing because of my queer identity. Not because I would be shunned from my faith, because there are queer synagogues.. But queer people who do not have faith or religion ate pretty quick to shit on us. Trust me, the amount of LGBT people that make comments about Jews, or Muslims or Catholics like they are single handily oppressive sexist forces is really gross. It’s often queer folk telling us that we will not be welcome and that our choices of faith are bizarre since we know science. Lmao, you can believe in science AND be of faith too. There are often gross religious stereotypes thrown at us, and the worst part that our faith is often erased to help “towards inclusion”
Eventually I will write more about my feelings of faith and my queer identity as a non binary gay man, but until then, I am going to sit in my little bubble.