Before I start this post. This is not an information piece to be used as leverage against trans people. This is not a blog that agrees with the views of TERFs and it certainly isn’t to push any right wing agenda. This post is to actually bring forth a serious conversation that is scary to talk about but as a trans person it has been something that has come up in my personal life. It’s surprising that I have to actually say that at the beginning of a post, but the moment you mention the word detransition there is a huge panic by the trans community and glee from our oppressors.
Statistically there are so few real cases of people who detransition that there isn’t any direct path way for those who do decide to. You may see a small handful of posts online and a friend might consider it but there actually isn’t this huge collection of trans people out there that do regret transitioning.
But why do people decide to detransition?
There are many factors as to why this is possible. Gender being fluid, feeling worse than what they felt like originally, no money, no support, feeling like they have no ability to “pass” as the gender they are, medical complications… In all honesty there are many MANY reasons why a person would feel like they need to detransition. Very rarely it has anything to do with regret and even rarer has it been because someone has not known what they are doing and have been rushed into it by doctors. This is often though what the media and what the people who oppose trans rights would have you believe. That people are being forced to medically transition without the knowledge and understanding and regretting it later. Trust me, the average time it takes for someone to transition is 10 years. This is the basic pathway and not including extra steps and other pathways you can choose. This all starts off with about a year waiting for your very first gender clinic appointment, seeing counsellors, doctors and therapists before hormones and surgery are even considered. People who do transition are 99% fully aware of what is involved and there is no coercion or forced gender change, so we can put all those ideas to bed now.
Why is it not talked about though?
Because honestly we are scared of this conversation. We are scared that it makes us look bad. For fuck sake I needed to put a disclaimer at the beginning of this because when someone feels they need to detransition, the right wing shit bags and TERFs rub their hands together like they are winning a fight. No you are not winning a fight, it’s just some people do not have the strength to continue and that’s fucking OK.
I’ve been honest before and said that if I had known now what I do about my physical health, I may have partially detransitioned. I wouldn’t have put myself in a situation where a medical menopause affected me that badly. I am slowly getting through it, and what happened to me was so fucking rare it hasn’t even been a thing discussed till recently, but I may have not gone on T. I had until recently not wanted to talk about it because so many people are scared of the idea of people wanting to detransition.
I think it’s time to open a dialogue, a safe one. One that’s only done with trans people and work out how we can protect those who think this needs to be an option for them
Tyler Charles Austen 
There’s also a brief kinda de-transition before certain kinds of surgeries, isn’t there? Someone in the partners group I attend mentioned it, that her partner is on estrogen but will have to stop taking it a bit before bottom surgery. It’s not a permanent stop of hormones, but it must be pretty unsettling for some.
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Oh god yes.
It’s specific to anyone going through HRT that the hormones are estrogen. I have met a shit ton of women who before lower surgery and a little bit after have had to stop estrogen and it has been so horrible for them
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I can only tell my own story, it is mine and I do not speak for anyone but myself.
At the age of 30 I began transition and was subsequently 16 yrs mtf . I had some incredible times and surrounded by the LGBT community a better world was opened up) To do justice to how and why I went down the road would take several small books and a lot of conjecture (transfolk know its a complicated place to be in, an evil curse upon ones life it feels all too often), initial reasons for transition seemed sound enough, I had been 3 years clean from heroin addiction when my dysphoria resurfaced …Heroin will do wonders as an anxiolytic and emotion blocker btw if you want to keep constant transition ideation to sleep for a few years or more …. but am totally not recommending it of course! Being in Sydney in 1992 it was easy to get access to the most experienced Endocrinologist and Psychiatrist who had more trans clients than any other in Australia.. in hindsight I had put on a pair of mental blinkers, not seeing any other way, that it was my last chance to be at peace rather than end my life.. travelling hopefully, one might say, and putting faith in electrolosis, testosterone blockers and estrogen to alter my 30 year old slight framed body and fine features to sufficiently to pass, as that was my fondest goal to be worked towards
Later on voice training also, I cried when I discovered there was no way with my pitch to have a voice anywhere near female vocal range. A stronger human soul might have persevered and still be actively trans living, but my pragmatic analytical nature, shyness and shitty self esteem would eventually wear me down, The consequence of having a very deep voice meant constant stress of being sprung whenever I talked (way worse on the phone, I just stopped using the phone) more and more over the years when I looked in the mirror I started to ask, “could I do it?” “what will become of my life then? As an overly sensitive person could I possibly bear the humiliation and feelings of failure and “detransition”? That was circa 2006, I had my breast implants removed and cut my hair shorter and shorter, it was not a quick process more one that evolved gradually, but not nearly as bad as I had imagined namely what would people say or think of me.
Now 57, I recently discovered that by taking testosterone blockers for 5 years and having ceased estrogen not long after (sick of drs visits and could see no further physical changes so just stopped them both) I now have extreme osteoporosis and the worlds lowest testosterone numbers..! (1.3nmol for the geeks out there) So its lifetime of Testosterone shots for me unless i want more minimal trauma fractures, I have been low T all my life it seems, I wont go to details but having normal levels of T has made a difference .
Currently am suffering badly from childhood onset dysthimia (chronic lifelong depression) And digging up the past, I now believe that IN MY CASE, due to sadly inadequate parenting and subsequent unhealthy childhood development that my dysthimia contributed to seeking solutions in drugs and gender transition, So yeah, I have “issues” who doesnt?
I miss the sense of community I had in the LGBT world very much, I was not strong enough to stay there, too much self doubt creeping in all the time.. its complicated!
I am now quite OK with being in my male gender , it is not so bad and it feels better now I have adequate hormone levels, the 20 year flat lining on estrogen and T did some real damage though, long live the interwebs for helping me to know what scan and blood test to ask the drs to give me certain amount of PTSD through dealing with them and try to get them to listen..
Anger at the past is futile but so hard to put down… I guess my folks did what they could given their own strange histories, but they had no clue really, childhood emotional neglect does quite extreme damage to chance of a happy life
My goal is to find ways to be more at peace and not consumed by regret over wasted time .
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