Content note – This post contains spoilers to the film Logan. If you do not want to read spoilers, please do not read.
So first things first. Thank you LGBT geeks meet for doing a cinema trip to see Logan. I really appreciate it. I also appreciate that I was moany all day because I was in pain. Thank you for putting up with me.
As per usual of all my cinema review posts, I state what snack I had. Coke zero, salted popcorn then Kai turned up with salted caramel, coffee and chocolate ice cream. It took all of my mental strength not to go for the nachos. I know they taste of nothing but stale cardboard, but that squeezy cheese tries to tempt me every time. Whilst I’m writing this, I’ve reminded myself that I didn’t do one for trainspotting two. I should get my ass on that.
So to Logan. The first 10 mins I do not really remember because I think I blacked out in pain because the dickhead next to me elbowed me in the chest. Fucking hell, when did the cineworld seats get smaller?
Right so Logans now a heavily drinking limo driver, trying to go about his business. He’s older now and he’s dying. To be honest, if your bone structure is regenerative metal then you would probably end up with poisoning too. Seeing Logan not being up to his best is fucking heartbreaking. I’ve grown up with this character for what feels like hundreds of years now and it kills me to see this.
Logan is doing all this to save up money to give Professor X a chance to get away before dementia sets in. Yeah if you expected this to be a fucking cheery film think again. Charles has dementia and Logan’s dying and you learn that shit straight off from the get go. Charles is certain that there are still mutants out there that need help, though Logan feels this is just the dementia kicking in.
Of course it’s not the dementia, otherwise we wouldn’t have sat there for 2 hours.
Cue one of the most adorable, kick ass kids. She’s got all the skills and qualities to be in the next generation of X men, that is of course if she can control her temper and attitude.
The whole story of how she came to be is a pretty standard back story used by alien films, horrors and zombie films for generations. The whole selecting DNA structure and breeding soldiers is an over played cliché but it does work OK in this story.
There are A LOT OF FIGHT SCENES. This film is a 15 (R rating in America) for a reason. It is not a kids film. Please don’t take your children to see Logan, only to complain about the amount of violence. It’s a 15 for a reason.
Also Patrick Steward swears, and it sounds like porn to your ears. I could listen to him swear all day.
The film will keep you entertained. I’m not going to lie though, this is the last Logan film. There will be no more! You will quite possibly cry at several points in the film. It certainly is also probably the most darkest film in the X-men series and the main theme about the film is about the end and new beginnings.
Please go and see it if you are a huge fan of the Logan films, love X-men, need a good fucking cry or you just like seeing people getting stabbed with hand forks.
A great ending to a franchise that will be surely missed.