Cops, Criminology and Cigarettes

So I thought I would write a casual update as to what’s happened the past few weeks. As you know I’m on the path of quitting smoking. Its been 2 weeks and 5 days now and I’ve smoked 3 cigarettes in that whole time. I can tell you one thing. They taste fucking gross now. I don’t think honestly I could go back to smoking cigarettes again. 

I have signed up to do an online course in criminology and I’m pretty pumped to get the time to do my course work. I know that education on a class room in set times is just the worst kind of learning for me, so this is pretty awesome for me. I’ve looked at unit one already (it covers what actually is criminology) and whilst its pretty wordy, I think I’m going to get through it all soon for my first test. 

I know these have been positives but there has been a few dark clouds with me lately. We also are aware of the huge elephant in the room that I haven’t written about and I do not intend to properly discuss it publicly but Kai and I were at the police station earlier discussing further action with what’s been going on. It has distressed my partners, my family and people around our lives and we honestly couldn’t put up with it any more. I can deal with bitchiness and back stabbing but we had to seek legal action and advice on what’s been going on.  

It has felt fucking awful that the last alternative was to go to a place that I never wanted to go to. I have spoken publicly many times about my views on the police, how police brutality affects queer people and people of colour and how speaking to police brings on sevear anxiety because of how I have been treated personally, but I couldn’t continue with it anymore. 

I suppose the reason why I’m saying it now is that it’s eventually going to come out sooner or later. I know that a lot of people are going to be upset with me that I actually went to the police and I know people are going to be upset that I just couldn’t handle it myself without loosing my mind. 

I thought that telling someone would make the whole situation easier, but I feel fucking broken with it. I hate that I have involved the police on a fellow queer person. I hate that this is the only fucking route we were left with and I hate that I’m having to see both my partners so upset with it all. 

I am however not sorry that I need to put my partners and my own safety first though, and I hope that this means that all this bullshit will eventually stop.