25 comments on “Bisexuality – Why Not Both (Or All In My Case)

  1. I’ll give you my two cents. Many, probably nearly all gays and lesbians go through a bisexual comforting stage. Luckily, many also finally take the healthy leap toward accepting their homosexuality. So, we tend to see bisexuality as a stepping stone toward accepting oneself as gay/lesbian or, in many fewer cases, I would say, straight.

    It also doesn’t help that queers tell everyone that all humans are actually bisexual/pansexual/whateversexual. That pisses off both gay/lesbian and straight folks.

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    • Yes I agree but at the same time when bi people are told constantly to “make up their minds” by gay or straight people, it invalidates their existence.
      Not everyone is bisexual, just like not everyone is monosexual. Its also not always a stepping stone to being gay or straight.
      And believe me it pisses me off when people say “all humans are bi” because that invalidates everyone

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      • How do you define a bisexual? My definition is you someone who is equally sexually, emotionally and mentally attracted to both sexes. That’s probably 50 people on the planet. I think lots of people go by this or a very similar definition.

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      • Anyone who’s attracted to two or more genders. It doesn’t have to be equal. Some people might just find masculinity is what they are attracted to and like men, masculine women and masculine non binary people.
        Myself personally, I’m attracted to confidence, humour and a great ass. Something all gendered people could have as a quality.

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      • You asked me about my own sexuality, and I answered. I have never said that all people are bisexual, because its offensive to believe that.
        Not everyone is attracted to every gender. I have again stated that I (and other bi people are) am attracted to people regardless of gender.
        This whole post has been about how there are bi people as well as lesbian and gay in the sexuality minority spectrum and not everyone is mono sexual.

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      • You just described nearly the entirety of the population. Everyone has or has experienced one form or another of attraction to the opposite sex – often we force ourselves to feel it to avoid going against the norm. So, essentially you said that everyone is bisexual.

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      • I don’t think everyone has to be honest. I know many straight and gay people who wouldn’t go there even if you paid them. If people have experienced sexual and or romantic attraction to other genders (or the same), it wouldn’t be mine or your place to dictate how anyone would identify their own sexual identity. Its up to the individual to label themselves how they choose, if any label is needed
        Again, not everyone is bisexual. Not everyone has or will have sexual or romantic attraction to two or more genders. Some people do though.

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      • Do you think that nobody feels a bit of at least mental attraction in a person of either sex at least once in their lifetime, you’re deluding yourself. This, by your own description of bisexuality, makes the entire world bisexual.

        I honestly don’t care how a person labels herself or himself: I look at the way they act. In my personal experience and that of lots of gays and lesbians I know, and judging also from what I read online by hundreds of gays and lesbians, bisexuals don’t seem to date each other, always go for the gays/lesbians when they’re younger, and end up settling with a straight partner later on. Again, hard to believe you when that’s what I and many other gays and lesbians see.

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      • Well thank you for that, I will tell my bisexual partners that I can’t date them anymore because neither of them are gay or lesbian or any other sexuality that isn’t bisexual.
        Also how can you tell how a person acts by their sexuality? I really need to learn that skill because it could come in handy.
        Again I have never said that the whole world is bisexual, in fact you have been the only one that has thought this and said this consistently through out.
        Maybe a Sunday may have been better spent finding other things to do rather than troll a bisexual mans post about how lesbian and gay people treat bi people like shit.

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      • I told you repeatedly that your definition of bisexuality describes the entire world, because everyone experiences one form of attraction to people of either sex in one way or another. I can find a man to have an attractive mind, or even think he’s got a beautiful body, so by your own definition I’m a bisexual. I don’t know how it’s possible for you to not be able to follow this simple logic. It would be great to hear any argument from you to support your own theory, but you’re calling me a troll and throwing a hissy fit, so I guess you’ll leave it at that. Too bad.

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      • But not everyone does though. And just because you found one person from a different gender attractive once doesn’t make you bi.
        This whole post has been about respecting peoples labels and respecting that bisexuality exists for some people. I feel the meaning has been lost with you in this argument.
        The long story short, label yourself what ever you want. Its no ones place to police how you identify.

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      • You asked me also to describe to you what bisexuality was, and its definition is anyone who’s attracted to two or more genders. I never said everyone is bisexual in that. I just stated that there are many ways to be bi

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    • This post is really positive, but I am unsure about this comment. I feel that sexuality is a spectrum, people can be fully gay, they can be fully straight,they can be equally attracted to men and women but there are all sorts of grey areas in between. Indicating that anything In between the binary idea of gay and straight is just a comfort blanket can give out negative ideas. People reading this post searching for how to deal with their varying sexuality may feel positive after the post then read this comment and continue misunderstanding themselves thinking they are en route to being gay. This can just slow down someone’s self acceptance process. I think it’s important to understand that sexuality is not binary.

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  2. Thank you for posting this. I always struggle to articulate to my friends how it is possible to just not have a preference. I have noticed in myself I will tend to conform to whichever conversation is happening around me, just because it’s easier then trying to explain that for me sexuality is a sliding scale. Reading your post made me feel like next time I could be a little bit braver.

    While I have been called a ‘stepping stone queer’ more than once, I would hope that my LGBT friends I have around me would now recognise that sexuality can differ from ones own experience. Just because bisexuality was a comfort for some while they come to terms with their sexuality doesn’t mean that’s the case for everyone. Ironically I went through a stage of identifying as a lesbian because it was easier to explain then a more fluid sexuality.

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    • Thank you for your comment. I too have gone through the whole spectrum of sexuality mainly because though I was still to panicked to admit to everyone that I was bi

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  3. In my 20s I explored my romantic side. I refer to it that way because I was looking for certain qualities and I didn’t care which parts those qualities came with. But I was frequently told I was just fooling myself, I should make up my mind, I only thought I liked women because it was trendy. Grrrr. But it seemed counterproductive to me to severely limit my search for a true partner in life by discounting people based on something as unimportant to me as what parts were in their pants. Or what color their skin was for that matter.

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  4. Pingback: Bisexuality – Why Not Both (Or All In My Case) – MoonLooped

  5. Pingback: Junie B. Jones, the “B” stands for Bisexual – A Myriad of Possibilities

  6. This is a great post. I remember when I first heard Biggin’s comments, during the year I came out, and was shocked to come to terms that prejudice exists within the LGBT community as well. This has definitely affected my confidence as I start to step into the scene socially, especially because I have an opposite sex partner (who is also bisexual). I get scared if it is brought up, as I fear people who are gay or straight would immediately invalidate my bisexuality due to conforming to a heterosexual relationship. Would you have any advice on how to appropriately respond to people who may try to do this?

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    • Firstly I would like to thank you for your comment. You are not alone out there and you are loved for who you are.
      Before I came out as trans I was in a civil marriage with a man (who is bisexual) and we were seen as a “heterosexual couple” . Lol we were far from it, and probably was one of my stepping stones in how I came out as a man (but I digress)
      It took A LOT and I mean a metric fuck ton of shouting at gay people, reminding them that LGBT included bisexuals and not just bi people in “homosexual relationships”. It took a long time for it to drum into peoples head that bisexual doesn’t just mean one way. I lost a fair few people, but I then started working with my local youth group and created a bisexual space for under 26s for them. Sadly, it isn’t running anymore though

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  7. Thank you for this. I have come across your blog today when this post popped after I read a friend’s post on his struggles with accepting his bisexuality.
    Because I have been married to a man for 15 years people assume I’m straight. My sexuality will not change. Ever! I started writing and what topic do I choose? Bisexuality! It has been a rediscovery for me but I am proud of who I am.

    Liked by 1 person

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