I thought I would do a letter to my younger self. Something i would say to me if I met the person I was ten years ago.
CN – Talks about rape and assault and drug and alcohol abuse.
You are probably really confused as to why I have addressed this as to Tyler and not to the name you are currently. This is the name you decided to choose in 2012.
You are 19 now starting to sober up now. You have been off heroin for just shy of 12 months. Well done. You still haven’t relapsed on that even ten years on. You will try crack a couple of more times but each time you realise that its not even worth it.
I’m not going to tell you to stop what you are doing. I’m not going to tell you to sober up just yet. I’m going to tell you what you should have been told.
Do not let a single man take control over your life. Things are going to get tough for you, and some of the worst moments in your life will happen this year. But it WILL get better.
Each time he rapes you, each time he beats you. You do no deserve any of it. You will be told every day that its your fault. You will be told you deserve this. But you do not.
He will call the police on himself and you will hate the police more then you do now. He only gets a caution for admitting to rape and 2 years on the sexual offences register. You will stay strong though. You will never give up even though you want to, you will be so fucking brave and one day you will stand up to him.
Nan will pass in 2012 and it will get you to heavily drink and take drugs again. Let this happen. You have a right to grieve. She will go quickly, too quickly.
Remember to grab all the balloons at McDonald’s because she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
You finally come out again as trans in 2012. I know you tried in 2001 but it is different this time. People WILL listen to you this time.
Both of your partners are wonderful, you get really lucky.
Mum is still the greatest bad ass you will ever meet and is still your number one fan.
It looks shit now, but when 2016 happens, things start to look so much better, even though physically you are your worst
Keep your chin up
P.S – You change a lot
PPS – Alan Rickman dies in 2016 and you sob your eyes out for a week.