As I said in the last one I would do a post dedicated solely to poly, and as much as my mind whirls with a thousand thoughts, I feel like I need to do this post. There will probably be other posts covering more on poly (and the relationship structures) but this one is going to be about the basics and language and/or words used in the community.
So let’s start from the beginning. What the fuck actually is poly, and isn’t it just a fancy way of saying you are cheating on your partner?
For starters poly is the acceptance and ability to be able to have a form of relationship with more than one person. Good poly means that all the partners are consenting to this. Relationships do not just mean the standard if getting with someone, dating, sex and the long term relationship route. It could be from casual sex to online dating to committed non sexual dating. It can be anything within the spectrum, the only limitations are the ones that you set.
I should also point out that poly isn’t for everyone. Try not to just throw yourself in non-monogamy. I would recommend that you do research into it first, and understand that it’s not always plain sailing.
So I have heard this term “unicorn”, isn’t that just some fancy ass mythical creature that shits rainbows?
Technically yes, that is what a unicorn is, but since you are on a poly post I’m assuming you are looking for the other definition of unicorn, and of course narwhal just to throw a little bit more into the mix.
A unicorn is a woman who would date a couple (normally male and female) often with the sole intention to please both of them, they are often seen as a secondary partner. This doesn’t mean it happens with all unicorns, and it doesn’t always mean in a negative way. A narwhal is the male version of this.
There is often talk in the poly community as to whether this is good or bad practice. Some people believe that relationships shouldn’t be based on who’s more important and everyone should be treated equally whilst others believe its in the individuals choice, and as long as everyone’s consenting, who gives a shit.
So is poly another fancy way of saying that you are a Mormon?
No! There is a huge difference between being a Mormon and being poly, though poly comes with being a Mormon.
Being a Mormon is a religion, and is also based in what the man wants. You are only allowed to take wives and safe sex practice is forbidden. I will not say that I disagree with peoples religious choices but it certainly wouldn’t be a life for me. Poly is freedom to choose who and how you want to be with someone.
Don’t you get jealous with all these people fucking your partner?
This is a two point question. Not all poly relationships involve sex, some are based on romantic attraction alone, and there are many people who practice poly and are asexual.
Secondly, everyone experiences jealousy in one way or another. To think otherwise would be a lie. However its how you manage it. An open dialog is always needed. And whilst I personally have no feelings of jealousy when it comes to people my partners are with, I know its not the same with them. So communication. Always communicate all your feelings and keep an honest dialog.
Finally, is there a limit to how many partners you can have?
No. Yes, and sometimes. You are limited to your own desires and feelings, time and how you and your partners feel about it all.
Hope you enjoyed this post on the basics of poly. Tune in next time when we will be answering some questions on dating, will go back to poly relationships and start talking about sex more ❤
