So this is the first post of the year, which is surprising since its nearly 2 weeks into 2016 but I have had to avoid blogging. I’ve got my ass into trouble a few times for posting some home truths people haven’t wanted to hear, so I thought it would be best to lay low.
This post is doesn’t have as much explicit content in it as the others do, but it talks about sex and has some swears.
So we have covered a small bit towards consent, online etiquette and the abilities to explore yours and other peoples kinks. I suppose I think that the next thing we should be talking about is sexuality as a whole and relationship structures.
I’m going to start honestly that I have no clue when it comes to hetro cis mono relationships. A lot of people assume that before I came out as trans I was mono and straight. The relationship I had with Aidy was certainly not straight and it wasn’t just us two. So I think this would be a great place to start. Never assume a persons sexuality.
I’m not going to say that we don’t do it, we all do. We however have no right to do so. I can be totally honest in myself and say there have been a few times where I have erased peoples bisexuality purely based on their current partner/s at the time. For someone who is bisexual this infuriates me because people used to do it to me often. We are wired in our brains to believe that one person has to be either one way or the other, and its certainly not the case. Sexuality isn’t always clear cut and there is often many changes and paths people take in pursuit of sex/love/companionship.
Another point that needs to be covered is the shaming of queer poly dating. Whilst we are almost expected to experience this from the outside corners of the cis het community, we have taken it upon ourselves to dictate others relationship structures. Especially in the poly community.
The whole concept of poly is that you understand within yourself that as a human you are entitled to love or develop a form of attachment to more than one person. This doesn’t mean that we can take a moral high ground however on how said relationships form.
A lot of this often stems from people in triad relationships and often it is seen that if its not just the three of you and there is a shit ton of limitations it is “bad poly”. Here is the thing, unless your abusive and its non consenting, there is no fucking bad poly! Each peoples relationship structures and boundaries are entirely different. I have seen relationships where there is a combination of 20 different people in the relationship at one point, and guess what? Its worked better then some closed off triads I have seen. Its not my business as to how someone spends their time and who loves who, and we shouldn’t invalidate a structure because “Dave” has 4 partners, 3 lovers, 1 wife and they all have 5 partners each.
My final point for this segment is a bit of a different one. There is an assumption that everyone has sex with everyone in their “poly blob”. There is also an assumption that in any relationship (regardless of it being poly or mono) has to have sex in order for it to work. Nope. That is some straight up bullshit right there.
I have sex with one of my partners, I do not have sex with the other one. I have also had sex with another person who I am not in a relationship with. It doesn’t mean I love either person any less. It just means that my relationship structure is different from person to person. Also to imply that you must have sex in all forms of relationships invalidates asexuality.
You can also have sex without love, and to think other wise would be shaming people of their sexuality. Sex is what you make it, and as long as its consented who gives a shit.
I hope you enjoyed this one. Please let us know how you deal with being bisexual and poly. We are always wanting to hear from other people on the subject.
Next time we will be talking more about the different types of poly structures and relationships.
Till next time ❤