For someone who considers themselves as a relationship anarchist, the thought of actual “Love” is a terrifying concept thing for me.
Whilst I dearly love my partners, I find that saying it becomes a huge pressure. There is almost suddenly an expectation to be an entirely different person and be incredibly serious with the person that I am saying it to. Now I know that the reasons for this is because I have had a lot of relationships where I have said it far too quickly and the relationship fucks up. Its almost like I build walls up when it comes to saying it out loud, though inside my head its much easier to say it and feel it.
I think that there is also some internal phobia that stems from it. The media and the actions of people tell us that love is strictly for couples only. That poly people do not feel love between their partners, because love is meant to be for one person. I know that this is totally bullshit and that everyone is entitled to feel and be loved regardless of their relationship boundaries (or lack of). But there is always this little voice in my head telling me that it is wrong. That voice needs to shut up.
There needs to be a way to also discus other forms of love and relationships. As well as love you can have between partners, and loved ones, friends and family. There is different ways of displaying it. Sometimes saying the word can be a bit too much. Instead using actions to display love. I’m not just talking about sex here, but seeing loved ones , making things, romantic dinners. I can’t give advice on how to show love, because I’m utterly terrible, but there are probably lots of resources.
There is also an assumption that everyone will feel love, and there is huge pressure to settle down, and find the right person. Not everyone wants that. And that’s OK.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that there shouldn’t be pressure on love. Just let it happen, and if it doesn’t, well that’s OK.
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Well written as ever. I am one who says “I love you” but never expects it back. Actions mean so much more than words! For some those 3 words are said without meaning
Thank you ❤ I know you have never asked me to say it, or pressured me into it and I know you know why.
So, so much pressure.
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