Recently I have seen a trend in people claiming to be in “abusive” relationships when they haven’t. That they were in fact either in the wring, or so upset with how a relationship has taken place they will just start throwing the word around.
Now this post is not for the people (note how I am not gendering here, it happens regardless of gender) who are actual victims of domestic, (mental and/or physical) violence. This is not aimed at you. Tell your story loud and proud, get all the help you can physically get, get out of the situation. Do anything that will make the situation easier. Please contact who ever you can. But no, this post is for the people who actually lie about it.
Its harmful. Its not only harmful to the person you are falsely accusing, but victims themselves. The real victims have to live through the horror of dealing with it, remembering it, coming home to it. They may have spent months going through hell with the police. They may be dealing with bullying because of it or maybe dealing with death threats from family members or old friends. They may even be using services to get them out. Normally these are also the FIRST people who are normally trying to help someone else who is dealing with that situation.
How do you think they will feel when they find out you are lying. They will feel betrayed again. They will feel frustrated, because they will feel that the system that’s meant to protect them, will break down because of false allegations. They will be reminded once more of hurtful memories that they still to this day will cause flashbacks.
I’m talking from someone who has been abused in a violent manor and someone who has had a person around them lie to them about it.
The person who lied to me was an ex. They said that they were being abused by someone they had been having sex with. It turned out that it had been a total lie.
I’m not going to mention her name. She got married, possibly had a couple of kids by now , and I wish her well on all her endeavours, but she certainly has zero respect from me.
I dedicated a long time listening to them, making sure they were OK, trying to get them to go to groups and find them resources. I did this because when it had happened to me, I felt like I had no support. This was mainly because I shut everyone out. It screwed up my head that I had been betrayed like that. I had felt angry that they had taken up space when real victims, were struggling to get into services.
Now, as I said this is not aimed at people who have experienced abuse. It should never go on, there are no excuses. None! I just get upset that there is a tiny minority that think its acceptable to ruin a persons life because they were unhappy and wanted them to feel bad. I have seen it with friends, and I have said this to many people, always keep a record of communication that happens. Honestly this has helped so many people who have been falsely accused of abuse.
I would like to offer a flip side to this. I also have met people more often then not, that have actually been violent, and claimed innocence. And that is the lowest thing you can do. I have trusted people that I considered close friends, only to find out how bad they actually are. This is where the justice system needs to be improved on. The trial to conviction level is just terrible, and many guilty people have been let free to continue abuse. This needs to change. And it needs to start by teaching people how badly false accusations affect the justice system and how actual victims are treated like dirt by a system that’s meant to support them.
For information please check google for your local resources on getting help with domestic violence. In emergency cases please contact 999/911 or any other emergency numbers.