3 comments on “A False Assumption Of Abuse

  1. When I did the Freedom Programme, the facilitator told us that there are three things which make a pattern of behaviour abusive: context, intent and effect. So BDSM could be abusive if:

    – the relationship OUTSIDE of the BDSM element is physically or emotionally abusive (context);
    -one of the individuals is using it as a way to dehumanise their partner(s) (intent);
    – and/or if what is being done is hurting the other person in a bad way, and the perpetrator knows this (whether through the target’s words or non-verbal cues) and yet continues regardless.

    What you describe does not constitute abuse based on what I have learned about the subject (and I flatter myself I have learned a great deal).

    I also take exception to the assumption that if there IS abuse in BDSM, the Dom must necessarily be abusing the sub. I was an unwilling Dom in a BDSM relationship; my sub used to have me whip them until they bled and did not care that I was upset by it. I’m a sub too (although I can play both roles) and your tastes are too extreme for me, but just because I don’t enjoy what you enjoy doesn’t mean that what you enjoy is wrong.


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