I stupidly agreed to write an article for a local (lgbt) magazine about being in a homosexual relationship and being trans. I know that they would want for me to be discussing our relationship but I would honestly feel like a fraud and a sell out writing it.
Though saying I’m gay publicly has almost been the easy option that doesn’t require must explanation, the truth is far more complicated. I’m bisexual
I’m also in a poly relationship
*cue the typical person implying that I can’t make up my mind or that I’m just greedy*
I have loved people of all points of the gender spectrum and I will continue to do so. My sexuality and preference has never been decided by genitals, nor by masculine of feminine traits, but by the individuals personality. I also believe that the concept of “love” can be shared with multiple people and in an infinite combination. Because currently I am not in a non monogamous relationship, doesn’t mean I am not poly. I took a break from dating others because I am still getting over a break up of my previous partner. And my hang ups should be dealt with in my head, and with my current, before pursuing a relationship with anyone else. I don’t believe that all of your baggage should be given to a new partner, and if you can work on issues before starting a new relationship, I believe you should.
This stigma of being both bi and poly terrifies me though and the thought of “outing” myself 3 times in 500 words seems outrageous.
I expect the usual questions, like
“How are you a man if you don’t have/want a penis?”
“Why are you planning to get married, when you are clearly going to cheat on your partner”
“Why don’t you just stay single and have no strings attached sex?”
“Why can’t you just pick one gender you want to be with?”
These questions, though may seem really ridiculous to read, are surprisingly what I get asked on a daily / weekly basis. Trying to write 500 words, shutting down these sorts of questions, is my hardest task. Mainly because I don’t know how to do it. And I certainly don’t know whether I can do all three things at once.
So my dilemma is this.
Do I sell myself to the devil or Do I put all my cards on the table?
Pros of outing myself –
I can actually have a platform to discuss being poly, bi and trans. And have a discussion about how the “b” and “t” are often marginalised in a community that talks the talk about sexual and gender diversity but never walks the walk.
I can use it both as a learning tool and it will give me experience and a chance to write an article about me, that isn’t written by someone else.
I can write it for all the other people that are going through the sane thing as me. Years of me going to certain groups , have taught me that I am not alone!
Cons of outing myself-
I’m out, in a large community, that although says they are inclusive, and friendly, the sad truth that some members of the LG community are actually some of the most bigoted members in society. And that their bigoted/biphobic/transphobic comments are often justified because they are homosexual. Its almost like a “get out of jail free”
That anyone can read it. Yes I have been public about me being trans, but unless you are already in the community, you don’t really know me. The magazine goes out to most of East Sussex and there are some people I really don’t want knowing my business.
Not only is it outing myself, its also outing my partner. And again yes we may be both very public, we do keep a lot private.
Basically I have until the 30th April to make my choice, and what I want to write. I’m just going to need time to process what it is I’m actually writing about.
Following on from this post, I decided not to do it in the end. Whilst I knew at the time it would give me coverage as a writer, I had decided that this wasn’t the greatest time to start writing about being bisexual and Poly. What I didn’t know then was the impending shit storm that was to happen in August and my distrustfulness towards the media in the gay community.